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The Gaggle电子书

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作       者:Jessica Massa

出  版  社:Simon & Schuster

出版时间:2012-06-12

字       数:37.4万

所属分类: 进口书 > 外文原版书 > 家庭/亲子

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Who cares if he's just not that into you? You've got a gaggle. It's easy to feel like your love life is nonexistent. You know you're great, so why haven't you been on a classic dinner-and-a-movie date since . . . well, forever? Because as it turns out, you are now living in a post-dating world, where the old rules for sex and relationships no longer apply. Suddenly, everything and nothing is a date. But this means that you have much more going on in your love life than you realize. Think about all the ambiguous interactions you have with guys: from a brainstorming session with a coworker, to a drink with an old friend, to a late night Skype session with an ex who's still in your life. Once you open your eyes, you'll see that you're already exploring all sorts of connections with the men in your life via these non-dates. And who are all these guys you're non-dating? Say hello to your gaggle. The gaggle is the group of guys in your life who play different roles, fulfill different needs, and help you figure out who you are, what you want, and what kind of relationship you ultimately desire. Though no two gaggles are alike, there are ten types of men a gaggle might include, such as the Ego Booster, the Hot Sex Prospect, and the Boyfriend Prospect. Romance, excitement, self-discovery, love . . . all this will be yours, once you stop stressing about dates, labels, and expectations and start thinking of each man you know and meet as a potential guy in your gaggle. In this clever and groundbreaking debut, based on interviews with women and men across the country, Jessica Massa reveals the ways in which the potential for love is all around you. The Gaggle is the ultimate guide to figuring out what you want and finding your match in a world that has left traditional dating behind.
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Cover

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION: THE PROBLEM THAT HAS BEEN MISNAMED

PART ONE

WELCOME TO THE POST-DATING WORLD

SO HERE’S MY FIRST QUESTION . . .

DATING 101: A CRASH COURSE

R.I.P. DATING

PART TWO

TO DATE OR NON-DATE?

INTRODUCING THE NON-DATE

THE GROUP-NON-DATE

FINDING YOURSELF ON A GROUP-NON-DATE

HOW TO FOLLOW UP AFTER A GREAT GROUP-NON-DATE

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

THE E-NON-DATE

FINDING YOURSELF ON AN E-NON-DATE

HOW TO FOLLOW UP ON A GREAT E-NON-DATE

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

THE FRIEND-NON-DATE

FINDING YOURSELF ON A FRIEND-NON-DATE

HOW TO FOLLOW UP AFTER A GREAT FRIEND-NON-DATE

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE (NON-)TIP

THE PLAY-NON-DATE

FINDING YOURSELF ON A PLAY-NON-DATE

HOW TO FOLLOW UP AFTER A GREAT PLAY-NON-DATE

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

THE NETWORKING-NON-DATE

FINDING YOURSELF ON A NETWORKING-NON-DATE

HOW TO FOLLOW UP AFTER A GREAT NETWORKING-NON-DATE

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

Group-Non-Date: Invite Him to Happy Hour!

E-Non-Date: Start Becoming Friends Online, Not Just Professional Contacts

Play-Non-Date: Use Your Professional Bond as a Segue to Bond in . . . Other Ways

NON-DATE TIP

THE SURPRISE-NON-DATE

FINDING YOURSELF ON A SURPRISE-NON-DATE

HOW TO FOLLOW UP AFTER A GREAT SURPRISE-NON-DATE

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

NON-DATE TIP

“TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE . . .” AND THEN LET’S FIND SOME LOVE, SHALL WE?

PART THREE

THE GAGGLE INVENTORY

FACT: YOU HAVE A GAGGLE

THE EX-BOYFRIEND WHO’S STILL AROUND

MEET YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND WHO’S STILL AROUND

HOW TO HAVE AN EX-BOYFRIEND WHO’S STILL AROUND

WHY BEING FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND WHO’S STILL AROUND CAN BE AWESOME

He allows you to be yourself—and reminds you of who you really are.

He gives you the advice that you need to hear.

He gives you insight into what you want, need, and hate in a relationship.

WHY BEING “FRIENDS” WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND WHO’S STILL AROUND CAN SCREW UP YOUR LIFE

Your Ex can hold you back from exploring your immediate options.

Your Ex can hold you back from moving on.

THE SUPER HORNY GUY WHO HAPPENS TO BE AROUND A LOT

MEET YOUR SUPER HORNY GUY WHO HAPPENS TO BE AROUND A LOT

HOW TO HAVE A SUPER HORNY GUY WHO HAPPENS TO BE AROUND A LOT

YOUR SUPER HORNY GUY REMINDS YOU THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, A FUN CHICK

YOUR SUPER HORNY GUY REMINDS YOU THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN

THE ACCESSORY

MEET YOUR ACCESSORY

HOW TO HAVE AN ACCESSORY

YOUR ACCESSORY CAN LOOK LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND

YOUR ACCESSORY CAN ACT LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND

THE ACCESSORY MIGHT ULTIMATELY BE BETTER ON PAPER (OR NOT)

NOW, ABOUT YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND . . .

THE HOT SEX PROSPECT

MEET YOUR HOT SEX PROSPECT

HOW TO HAVE A HOT SEX PROSPECT

WHY YOU PROBABLY NEED A HOT SEX PROSPECT—WHO IS ONLY A HOT SEX PROSPECT

WHO IS YOUR HOT SEX PROSPECT?

WHO IS NOT YOUR HOT SEX PROSPECT?

The Guy Who’s Willing to Take You Home When You Feel Ugly

The Guy Who Doesn’t Want to Be in a Relationship (Sigh . . .)

HOW TO STICK TO YOUR VALUES AND STILL HAVE A HOT SEX PROSPECT

THE UNAVAILABLE GUY

MEET YOUR UNAVAILABLE GUY

HOW TO HAVE AN UNAVAILABLE GUY

GETTING TO KNOW THE GIRLFRIEND

TALKING ABOUT THE GIRLFRIEND

ADJUSTING YOUR DYNAMIC WHEN YOUR UNAVAILABLE GUY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND GETS MORE SERIOUS

THE EGO BOOSTER

MEET YOUR EGO BOOSTER

HOW TO HAVE AN EGO BOOSTER

ONE GUY’S TALE OF AVOIDING EGO BOOSTERDOM

WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM A GUY WHO ACTUALLY IS YOUR EGO BOOSTER

HOW NOT TO TREAT YOUR EGO BOOSTER

THE GUY WHO JUST BLEW YOU OFF

MEET YOUR GUY WHO JUST BLEW YOU OFF

HOW TO HAVE A GUY WHO JUST BLEW YOU OFF (EVEN IF YOU DON’T WANT ONE!)

INTRODUCING THE DO-OR-DIE FREAKOUT (AND HOW TO HANDLE IT)

FIRST COME BLOWOFFS, THEN COME TWELVE MARRIAGE PROPOSALS (WAIT, WHAT?!)

IF THERE’S MORE GOOD THAN BAD, THEN DON’T CUT HIM OFF

THAT SAID, DON’T CONVENIENTLY FORGET THAT HE BLEW YOU OFF

DON’T SEE REJECTION AS AN ALL-ENCOMPASSING REFERENDUM ON YOU

IN CLOSING: A WORD FROM YOUR 120-YEAR-OLD SELF

THE CAREER BOOSTER

MEET YOUR CAREER BOOSTER

HOW TO HAVE A CAREER BOOSTER

THE CAREER BOOSTER IS BASICALLY INEVITABLE

THE CAREER BOOSTER IS A HUGE PERK IN YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE

THE CAREER BOOSTER TEACHES YOU ABOUT YOURSELF

THE CAREER BOOSTER IS (SOMETIMES) A PRECURSOR TO DRAMA

THE BOYFRIEND PROSPECT

MEET YOUR BOYFRIEND PROSPECT

HOW TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND PROSPECT

You Really Like Him.

When You Look Ahead, All You See Is Possibility.

He’s Treating You Like a Potential Girlfriend.

BE YOURSELF AND DON’T TRY TOO HARD TO IMPRESS HIM

PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE

WHEN IN DOUBT, FOCUS ON HAVING FUN TOGETHER

THE PROSPECT YOU’RE NOT SURE IS A PROSPECT

MEET YOUR PROSPECT YOU’RE NOT SURE IS A PROSPECT

HOW TO HAVE A PROSPECT YOU’RE NOT SURE IS A PROSPECT

SEEK THE SERENITY TO CHILL OUT AND TRUST IN YOUR CONNECTION

SUMMON THE COURAGE TO ALTER YOUR RELATIONSHIP

THE WISDOM TO KICK HIM OUT OF YOUR GAGGLE (IF NECESSARY)

WTF (WHERE THE F*CK) IS MY GAGGLE?

STEP ONE: CONDUCT A GAGGLE INVENTORY

STEP TWO: MEET GUYS

STEP THREE: EXPLORE EACH GAGGLE POSSIBILITY

STEP FOUR: REPEAT!

PART FOUR

THE GUY’S GAGGLE

BRACE YOURSELF: GUYS HAVE ONE, TOO

BUT FIRST, A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

THE GIRLFRIEND PROSPECT

UNDERSTANDING THE GIRLFRIEND PROSPECT

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS GIRLFRIEND PROSPECT

He Is Asking You to Hang Out

He’s Willing (and Maybe Even Excited) to Do “Boring” Stuff with You

He’s Trying to Show You What Kind of Boyfriend He Would Be

He Talks About the Future

THE WORK WIFE

UNDERSTANDING THE WORK WIFE

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS WORK WIFE

He Talks to You at Work a Lot

When He’s in the Office But Not at Your Desk, He’s Keeping in E-Touch

You Are His Unofficial Plus-One to All After-Work Events

But Your Connection Is Rarely Explored Outside of Work Settings

THE SHORT-TERM INVESTMENT

UNDERSTANDING THE SHORT-TERM INVESTMENT

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS SHORT-TERM INVESTMENT

He Is Trying to Hook Up with You

He Is Asking You to Hang Out—But Not in Super-Meaningful Settings

He Starts Pulling the Slow Fade

THE LAST RESORT

UNDERSTANDING THE LAST RESORT

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS LAST RESORT

He Woos You . . . A Little . . . At First

Once You’re Interested, He Contacts You Only to Hook Up

You Hear from Him Randomly and Intermittently Between Hookups

He Keeps Coming Back (and Playing the Same Game)

He Shuts Down After Hooking Up

THE GIRL WHO IS OUT OF HIS LEAGUE

UNDERSTANDING THE GIRL WHO IS OUT OF HIS LEAGUE

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE THE GIRL WHO IS OUT OF HIS LEAGUE

He Doesn’t Approach You (Even Though He’s Aware of You)

When You Approach Him, He Is Clearly Excited and Eager to Talk

And Then He Will Probably Still Do Nothing (Until You Make the First Move!)

THE FRIEND HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO

UNDERSTANDING THE FRIEND HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE THE FRIEND HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO

You’re Working Harder for It Than He Is

He Gets Uncomfortable When Other People Mistake You for a Couple

He Talks—with Desire—About Other Girls to You

Positive:

Negative:

He’s Told You That It’s Not Going to Happen

THE CHALLENGE

UNDERSTANDING THE CHALLENGE

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS CHALLENGE

He Is Trying to Impress You

He’s Playing Games with You, Too

Once He Thinks He Has Won You Over, His Interest Wanes

THE CRAZY GIRL

UNDERSTANDING THE CRAZY GIRL

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS CRAZY GIRL

Your Relationship Is Volatile

He Avoids You More Than He Responds to You

When You See His Friends, They Treat You Like a Potential Ax Murderer

You Know That You’re Being Crazy

THE (MAYBE) ONE

UNDERSTANDING THE (MAYBE) ONE

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS (MAYBE) ONE

He Hasn’t Made a Move on You (Yet) (or in a Really Long Time)

He Hasn’t Made a Move on Any of Your Friends, Either

He Is Regularly (But Not Constantly) in Touch—Always in a Respectful Way

He Tells You That You’re His (Maybe) One!

He Is Clearly in a Transitional Phase of His Life

THE POSSIBILITY

UNDERSTANDING THE POSSIBILITY

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE HIS POSSIBILITY

You’re His Friend

He’s In No Rush

He Seems to Have Many Women in His Life

PART FIVE

LOVE IN THE TIME OF TWITTER

IT’S NOT SEXTING . . . IT’S TECHNO-ROMANCE!

TECHNO-ROMANCE: USE IT FOR GOOD, NOT FOR EVIL

TECHNOLOGY CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO NEW GAGGLE MEMBERS

YOU CAN USE TECHNOLOGY TO FACILITATE E-NON-DATES

YOU CAN SIMULTANEOUSLY EXPLORE YOUR CONNECTIONS WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE

YOU CAN BUILD STRONG LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

TO MOM AND DAD (AND THE REST OF YOUR GENERATION) WITH SO MUCH LOVE: THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE FUTURE

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF POST-DATING RELATIONSHIPS

I. Do. Not. Stop. Having. Fun. Together. Ever.

II. Remember That It’s the Marriage, Not the Wedding, That Matters.

III. Shake Up the Traditional Gender Roles in Your Relationship—Or Don’t—to Fit the Two of You.

IV. Don’t Be Afraid of Long-Distance.

V. Learn How to Fight.

VI. Take Turns Supporting Each Other.

VII. Find Ways to Buffer Against Jealousy—By Keeping Your Gaggle Around.

VIII. Prioritize Yourselves and Your Relationship over Your Kids on a Regular Basis.

IX. Ask for Help When You Need It.

X. Believe That You’re the Best Couple in the Entire World.

IN CONCLUSION . . .

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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