英文经典笑话系列电子书

前言

A frog calls a psychic

These chickens want books

A snail buys a fast new car

A very insulting parrot

The story of the bats

Never talk to the parrot

I’ll use my seeing eye dog

There was just a dog fight

A game of animal football

I think that I’m a chicken

This dog is acting bad

Investigating a terrible accident

Cow on train tracks

Installing a carpet

An engineer and a programmer

Flying without a parachute

A blind pilot is flying this plane?

The whole world could be happy

Are blind pilots flying?

There is a blond on the plane

Air Force One crashes

The blind skydiver

Boarding from what gate?

Fear of bombs on planes

A skydiving lesson

There are no dogs allowed here

A blind man visits the state of Texas

Buying your ticket

Hiring an accountant

Simplified 1040 forms

Did you pay taxes?

Accountant and farmer

Stop being late to work

The work qualification test

The copy machine handout

Why did he fire you?

Everybody, somebody, anybody, and nobody

The requirements of this job

Repairing the phone

Fake two dollar bill

Paying in advance

Travel in a sailboat

Wealthy investors

A walking economy

Investment counselor

Buy machine factory

An economist’s speech

An economist’s logic

Economist Valentines

I have a big problem

Half a year to live

Economists in parades

Bill Gates picks his own punishment

Low self-esteem

I often feel guilty

Interviewing crazy

A lecture about English

Researching this insect

Bragging about Japan

Eating the piece of fruit

Try to settle the dispute

What is this?

Are caterpillars good to eat?

We could have been here sooner

Thin people don’t

I did all of that?

Golfing with an older man

An engineer, doctor, and pastor golfing

Slow golfers are ahead of us

Consultation fees

That’s a real bargain

The devil’s offer

You’ve changed my mind

Some last minute requests

Get money to heaven

Brain transplant

Want to go into space?

A love for material goods

I just managed to settle an account!

Did you make a donation?

Free haircuts

Are you talking to me?

What is his occupation?

What is the oldest profession?

A variation

Were you ever arrested?

Who owns the cows?

Ask your question

Who would steal?

Unfit words to hear

Knowing the facts

Marriage quotes 01

Marriage quotes 02

Marriage quotes 03

Marriage quotes 04

Marriage quotes 05

Marriage quotes 06

Marriage quotes 07

Marriage quotes 08

Marriage quotes 09

A sudden change of mind

My daughter is your reward

I have “great” news for you

Why can’t you be like that?

Someone really stinks

The guide to wife translations

Too much speeding

What is the most damaging food?

The way you say it

Going to the office

Finding perfect men

Gift for a birthday

Getting into fights

Subjects for a date

Requesting a three-day pass

Giving very odd excuses

Speaking with the general

Practical joke on his ex-girlfriend

Daddy is going to war

Soldier stands guard

Brag about parents

Soldiers in Heaven

Fishing on the lake

Crying about his life

All the strange names

Outrageous lying

Disorderly conduct

Wife helps out the cop

He’s drunk at the bar

Working in the garden

Lost far from a home

The reason for running

Try to catch the rabbit

A test for being drunk

Breaking into a house

Undercover detective

Charged for speeding

Make a last request

Debate the stop sign

Visiting kindergarten

Please show the I.D.

I have lost my father

Holmes investigation

Caught for speeding

You’re back again?

Touring Washington

President Carter’s “funny” joke

Research Bush

The punishments in hell

Clinton’s most unpopular action

Find out who is in control

Clinton’s wish for world peace

A bribe for your professor

I could use a little money

A student’s request for extra money

Looking back on photos

Tip the pizza delivery boy

Do you know who I am?

An extremely loyal fan

Crossing the border

Bum in need of food

After a bad accident

Driver illegally parks

Clever news reporter

Deaf lady in trouble

Stay over one night

Run over the rooster

Angry drivers meet

Let the other do the hard work

Talented dog

A baby on the way

Baby trouble

How to make babies?

Lamaze class

Bush Intelligency

Bush In the heaven

Bush supporter

Great loss

Now what

Phone call out of the hospital

Pick them up

Three legs chicken

Bullfight buffet

How to go to heaven?

A helping hand?

How old are you?

Jonny’s golden fish

No change last time

White hairs

How to win?

I love hearing it

Legal eyesight

Man walks into a lawyer’s office...

Name them

Pearly gates

Smartest man in the world

Professional courtesy

God’s answer

Sick people

Just a minute

I’m a conductor

Can not keep quiet any more

Classmates?

Choose the right one

Working in the garden

The Balloonist and the Programmer

Air hostess

Doctors ＆ mechanics

Swapping professional secrets

The Job Interview

A true story from the Japanese embassy in US

How to spot a fib

Three tortoises

The Bus Driver’s Name

A good chess player

He is a very smart dog

Two fools are about to go flying

Instrument flying guide for animal lovers

This is one smart dog

Nine things dogs don’t understand

Horses at the race

What just happened here?

What was the problem before?

I deserve a first class seat

Trouble with plane engines

Don’t be on this flight

The plane is crashing into the ocean

The loss of engines

A plane flying in the 1930s

An emergency landing

Blonde goes flying

A no-frills airline

Training the blonde

Teaching the child

International airline

Accountant in heaven

Businessman is dying

Counting some sheep

Defining Form 1040

The corporate boat race

Bosses versus workers

Employee want ad translations

Performance evaluation translations

How you made money

Equation of earnings

Lost in a balloon

Main vice president

Talking on the plane

Catching a criminal

The problem is at your end

Doctors meeting

Scared sleeping

Solving a problem

Feel better now

Canada America

Europe English

Measuring on the job

Mexican is at border

Welcoming to America

Admit that you did that

Unfamiliar with a term

Throwing away garbage

Native American hears

Finding a Chinese Jew

Newfie goes skydiving

Using nails on a house

Strange people are here

Where are you living?

Irish girl confesses sins

You should learn to be more polite

Constantly complaining about the temperature

Sorry for eating the peanuts

I have a Microsoft waiter

The results of a study

Placing your order

Ten years on a deserted island

This is my first golf lesson

Is he a good dentist?

The amazing golf ball

What will you do for golf?

I want to buy a golf ball

The problems with golf

You won’t go to jail

Solving a dispute

There are no honest lawyers?

Can I take his place?

Lawyers on a flight

How’s business?

Trying to be impressive

What’s your wife’s name?

Free advice at social affairs

I want to take money with me

I suppose I earned enough

Leaving money for the dead

I want to appeal a case

Tell the whole truth 1

Tell the whole truth 2

Offer legal advice

Helping a criminal

Big ethical dilemma

A cold winter night

History of lawyers

Keep that a secret

Learning a lesson

The tradition at weddings

Like father, like husband?

May I borrow your dog for a few days?

Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

Problems from the start

I just needed to use your car

How have times changed?

Getting revenge with marriage

The government cuts costs

A way to save your marriage

Stop the drunk driver

Rob the supermarket

Why the big fight?

Tell what happened

What is the future

A missing person

Looking into their eyes

Getting a new deputy

Prison versus housewives

Getting in an accident

A prisoner with skills

Prison vs. full-time job

Where is your wife?

Excuse for speeding

Choose a punishment

Request before death

Chatting on the plane

Purchasing the brain

Policemen in heaven

Lawyers get robbed

The woman is on fire

Try to spell that name

Stupid drunk blonde

Strange name for cats

Knitting and driving

Criminal steals lumber

Where are you from?

Identify the problem

Blonde avoiding trees

The animal’s warning

Thankful he’s drunk

Stupid blonde driver

A blonde detective

An FBI investigation

Problem with a dog

Dealing with trouble

I’m going to a lecture

I will do anything to pass

Making an effort to help a “lonely” child

Two students miss a final exam

Philosophy exam

History paper research on the Internet

Kids’ perspective

Discussing grades

Sweep the floor

Picking on a tardy student

Heaven playing sports

He is new to baseball

I own the fastest car

The very bad accident

Working on the road

Touring South America

Just cut your hair first

Travel with a horse

Try to get some rest

New driver’s license

Haircut before a trip

Heard on a public bus

Talking on a plane

Where are we going?

Tour near glaciers

Airsick

Military Control Tower

Smoking section on a plane

The attendant’s announcement

Under control?

A dead dog

Beware of the dog

Camel questions

The Centipede

The dancing duck

Do you have any grapes?

Kangaroo

Singing bullfrog

Smart dogs

First child

All you can drink

Just keep drinking

Number 88

Three Please

4 million iraquis

Cheering up, Bush

Future handicapped

Controversial diagnosis

Doctor helps prisoner escape!

I can’t feel my legs

New skill

Pneumonia

Remove an appendix...

Six months more

Sleeping pills

The same age

We need eggs

Good memory

Happy old man

You forgot my Toast!

Birthday gift

Cook like that

Henpecked

Petty argument

Which one mom

Husband store

Patient mom

Dumb blonde

Parents age

Ask for your father

Tearing them up

Full cup of coffee

Good and great lawyer

An inquisitive kid

Children’s prayer

Farmer Joe

Farmer’s divorce

Going to hell

One Less Lawyer

A pickpocket’s lawyer

Three rooms

What instrument did you play?

Alcohol test

Magic pool

Speeding ticket

Optimism

A nice idea...

Female reindeer

Army insurance

Never work again

The crow and the rabbit

911-actual call

Car broken down

Circusowner in bar

Donkey eats buyer’s money