Don't Leave Me This Way电子书

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Contents

Part One

One of the Rats in the Race

You Want a Smoke?

Karen Croaked, Too

Half a Clock

Your Encounter with the Tapioca Lady

Shit Happens…but Only Occasionally

Chat with Nurse Doom

Eek! A Mouse

Don’t Leave Me This Way

Click Your Heels Three Times and Press the Call Button

Impulsively Yours

Which Hand Was That?

With Apologies to David Letterman

Case in Point

Cry Me a River

Facing the Chicken

Who’s Squinting?

Brace Yourself

Numbness Is in the Eye of the Beholder

The Babe

Your Friend Pays a Visit

Let Me Give You a Hand

Part Two

Judge Judy Gets Hammered

You Can Keep the Dime

Coming to Terms with Shoe Envy

Reflections from a Metal Cage

Dad’s Question

Ray-Bans and the Search for Cool

Déjà Vu

Residents Out for Blood

Testing Your Patient

A Piece of Your Mind

Return to Sender

Pardon Me, but You’re Incompetent

A Lot of Fuktion

Honey

It Ain’t Spring Showers

You Have to Be Dead to Get That Arrangement

Where You Aren’t

The Moaning Lady

Disabled Chariot

Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight

The Quasimodo Walk

Musical Chairs

What You Do Best

Option C

Potty Perils

Jurassic Meltdown

Brain Delayed

This Party Will Self-Destruct in Thirty Seconds

The Incident

Part Three

Beating the Odds, but Still Coming Up Uneven

A Pothole in the Journey

Steady

Bodyguards

You Shall Be Released

Welcome to Headquarters

Foreplay Takes On a New Meaning

Can You Say “Denying Denial”?

On Your Back

Now Lie in It

Recipe for Success: Ignore Authority Figures

My Gait Ain’t What It Used to Be

Balancing Act

What Is Left…Is Only Right

The Dirty Words

Going Nowhere—Slowly

Part Four

A Little Prick

Plastic Cup Blues

Your Money’s Worth

Poof, You’re Healed

Coincidence Is in the Plan

Daisy and Audrey

Chestnuts Explodingon an Open Fire

Riptide

All Shapes and Forms

Driving Miss Julia

Homage to Your Hemorrhage

Have Two Massive Mood Swings and Call Me in the Morning

Bright Lights, Big Electrodes

What Goes Up…

Not Exactly the Therapy You Had in Mind

Dealing with What You Have

Bitter Prescription

Potted

A Walker Disguisedas a Stroller

Moving On

Limping for Joy

Your Own Problems

A Trip to the Bahamas

Over the Edge

The Blockhead Club

“You’re Incurable.” “I Want a Second Opinion.” “Okay, You’re Also a Pain in the Ass.”

In the Mood

Slip-Sliding Away

You Must Be So Proud

End of Discussion

Edie Sees Her Husband

“What Are You Going to Do After Your Stroke?” “I’m Going to Disney World!”

Out of the Blue

Push Harder

Another System

Promises

Part Five

A Stroke of Luck

Wings and Ladders

Acknowledgments

Appendixes

A Prescription for a Productive Doctor’s Visit

An Open Letter to All Doctors

Basic Dos and Don’ts for Doctors

About the Author

Praise

Copyright

About the Publisher