Love Is Never Enough电子书

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Contents

Introduction

The Cognitive Revolution in Psychology

Dissolution of Marital Ties

What Is Needed To Sustain a Relationship

Untangling the Knots

The Plan of the Book

1 The Power of Negative Thinking

The Cognitive Approach

Mind Reading

The Invisible Mind

How We Misinterpret

Misreading the Signals

Symbols and Meaning

Bias

2 The Light and the Darkness

The Infatuation “Program”

The “Turn-Ons” (Activators)

Disappointment

Broken Promises

The Grand Reversal

Making Balanced Judgments

3 The Clash of Perspectives

Open and Closed Perspectives

Framing

Conflicts of Personalities

4 Breaking the Rules

Setting Expectations

Making the Rules

Applying the Rules

Rules That Sabotage

Enforcing the Rules

Tyranny of the Shoulds

Breaking the Rules

Punishment

Emergence of Rules

Dealing with Rules and Attitudes

5 Static in Communication

Indirectness and Ambiguity

Defensiveness

Missing the Message

Monologues, Interruptions, and Silent Listening

Deaf Spots and Blind Spots

Differences in Pacing

Use of Questioning

Differences between the Sexes

Explanation for Differences in Style

Origin of the Sex Differences

6 Breakdown of the Partnership

Threats to the Marital Compact

Areas of Conflict

7 Silent Thoughts: The Eye of the Storm

Secret Doubts

Origin of Doubts about Self and Spouse

The Secret Shoulds

8 Tricks of the Mind

How Symbolic Meanings Twist Our Thinking

The Spreading Factor

Examples of Typical Cognitive Distortions

Mental Distortions in Action

9 In Mortal Combat

Barbed Messages

Preemptive Strikes

Overkill

Behind the Fights: Basic Beliefs

Controlling Anger

Inhibition, Anger, and Self-Assertion

The Anatomy of Anger

10 Can Your Relationship Improve?

Resistances to Making Changes

What Should Be Changed?

Creating Problems Instead of Solving Them

Redefining the Problem

How Do People Change?

A Program for Change

11 Reinforcing the Foundations

Cooperation

Commitment

Basic Trust

Assuming Good Will

The Benefit of the Doubt

Loyalty and Fidelity

12 Tuning Up the Relationship

Loving and Being Loved

Keeping Track of Positive Behavior

Lifting the Blinders

13 Changing Your Own Distortions

General Guidelines

The Nine Steps

14 The Art of Conversation

Pinpointing Problems in Communication

Rules of Conversational Etiquette

15 The Art of Working Together

Explanation of Differences

Use of Questioning

Flexibility

Compromise

Accommodation

Setting Priorities

16 Troubleshooting

Clarification of Differences

Understanding Your Mate’s Perspective

Specific Rules for Troubleshooting Sessions

17 Taming the Furies

Source of the Problem: You or Your Mate?

Gains and Losses from Expressing Anger

Defusing Hostility in Your Mate

18 Special Problems

Reduction of Sexual Desire

Self-Therapy for Sex Problems

Infidelity

Stress

Two-Job Families

Problems in Remarriage

Notes

Bibliography

Searchable Terms

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Other Books by Aaron T. Beck

Credits

Copyright

About the Publisher