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Cover
Praise
Title Page
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Foreword
A Personal Note from the Author
Introduction
PART I - WHY AFFAIRS HAPPEN
1 - Beyond Personal Blame
BLAMING YOURSELF
BLAMING YOUR PARTNER
BLAMING THE RELATIONSHIP
BLAMING THE THIRD PARTY
WHY WE TAKE IT PERSONALLY
2 - How Society Contributes to Affairs
LEARNING TO LIE ABOUT SEX
THEM VS. US
SEX FOR SALE
THE FAIRY-TALE MARRIAGE
A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
THE CODE OF SECRECY
PART II - THE EXPERIENCE
3 - Suspicion and Confrontation
FIRST SIGNALS
RATIONALIZATION
DENIAL
WHEN TO CONFRONT
HOW TO CONFRONT
AVOIDING SUSPICION AND CONFRONTATION
4 - The Pain of Knowing
WHEN A PERSON WON’T TALK
NO EASY ANSWERS
DEALING WITH THE THIRD PARTY
PART III - THE HEALING PROCESS
5 - Rebuilding Self-Esteem
ASSESSING THE DAMAGE
CHANGING OUR WAY OF THINKING
SELF-ESTEEM AND THE SPOUSE
ALLOWING TIME TO HEAL
DELIBERATELY FOCUSING ON THE PROBLEM
BELIEVING IT’S POSSIBLE TO RECOVER
6 - Trust, Honesty, and Communication
REBUILDING TRUST
DON’T TRUST A PROMISE OF MONOGAMY
A COMMITMENT TO HONESTY
DEVELOPING HONEST COMMUNICATION
7 - Sexual Healing
SEXUAL ALIENATION
EXAMINING OUR IDEAS ABOUT SEX
GROWING UP MALE
GROWING UP FEMALE
SOME EFFECTS OF THE DIFFERENCES
FINDING WAYS TO HEAL
MAKING SEX BETTER
8 - Where and How to Get Help
SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY
PROFESSIONAL HELP
HOW TO BENEFIT FROM PROFESSIONAL HELP
SUPPORT GROUPS
OTHER GROUPS
BOOKS
BECOMING YOUR OWN EXPERT
RESOURCES TO HELP YOU HELP YOURSELF
PART IV - A TIME OF RECKONING
9 - The Marriage/Divorce Dilemma
AMBIVALENCE
THE PRACTICAL FACTORS
SOME GUIDELINES FOR SOLVING THE MARRIAGE / DIVORCE DILEMMA
10 - Living with the Decision
CHOOSING TO STAY
CHOOSING TO LEAVE
ADJUSTING TO DIVORCE
LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
11 - A New Understanding of Affairs
OLD ASSUMPTIONS AND NEW UNDERSTANDINGS
BREAKING THE CODE OF SECRECY
IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS HAVING AN AFFAIR
PREVENTING AFFAIRS
ONLINE AFFAIRS
FUTURE GENERATIONS
Notes
Bibliography
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Copyright Page
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