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Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Contents
I
The Pitch
First Encounter
Obsession
Sex
A Much-Needed Break
The L Word
The Parents
Mergers and Acquisitions
Out to Sea
II
The Clues
The Formal
A Long Ride Home
Divesting and Repossessing
The Second Coming
Have the Last Word
Tear Up Everything That Reminds You of Him
The Housekeeper
III
Don’t Go Changing to Try to Please Him
Never Trust a Man Who Talks About Marriage in the First Three Months
Hold Out on Re-Wardrobing Him Until There Is a Ring on Your Finger
Don’t Be So Available
IV
Do All the Things He Always Hated
Rent a Video and Have a Good Cry
Edit Your Words
Contact All the Men Who Still Love You
Get Rid of the Gift
Get Back at Him by Taking It Out on a Stranger Who Deserves It
Heed Advice from the Little People
Shop
Live Out Your Dreams in Your Fantasy World
Misbehave a Little
Listen to Stories of Other Imperfect Relationships-They Will Make You Feel Much Better
V
Don’t Drink and Dial
Never Let On to His Friends That You Care
Take Advantage of All Opportunities That Will Preoccupy You
Use Mutual Friends as Spies and Make Sure Their Report Back Is Negative
Celebrate His Romantic Upsets
Use Mutual Friends as Messengers and Make Sure Their Report to Your Ex Is Positive
Stay Away from Oreos
Don’t Ask Questions You Don’t Want the Answer To
Keep Only One Photo of Him, the Ugliest One Ever Taken
Limit Conversations with Mom
Beware of Pickup Locations
Get Rid of Your Worst Qualities
Be Prepared for When He Calls-They Always Do
Stay Away from His Neighborhood
Use Work as an Outlet:
VI
Find Your Blind-Date Mantra
Blind-Dating
If You’re Not Interested, Give Him a Good-Night Handshake-and Other Ways of Getting Out Of It
The Pitch Versus the Reality
Trust Your Instincts
The FIDO Philosophy
Date a Man You Would Never Bring Home
VII
The Invite
The Preparation
The Engagement Party
An Affair to Remember
The End
The Getting Over John Doe Sound Track
Acknowledgments
About the Author and the Illustrator
Copyright
About the Publisher
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