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Dedication
Contents
June
Part I: The Concept
PART II: This Is How I Do It
PART III: How the Record Industry is Like a Unicorn
PART IV: Stalked
July
Part I: The First Person Dave’s Paid to Come Over to His House Who Has Actually Kept Her Clothes on
PART II: Love in L.A: Christmas for Grown-Ups?
PART III: She’s Such a Great …
PART IV: An Image
PART V: Spiritual Guidance
August
Part I: The Rhetoric of Dave
PART II: The Great Chili Peppers Debate: “Bringing it on Yourself”
PART III: The Great Steve Vai Debate: “Speak Only for Yourself”
September
Part I: How to Get off Drugs Without Really Trying
PART II: Ten Ways to Tie off
PART III: On Dave’s Dick
October
Part I: Dear Diary
PART II: About a Girl
PART III: Crystal Koalas, Pet Rocks, and the Tennis Mom Theory
PART IV: The Mystery of Mr. Young
PART V: Invaded at Home
PART VI: The March of the Baby Unicorns
November
Part I: It’s Too Bad Dave Can Only Die Once; He’s Got so Many Ideas
PART II: Show and Hell
PART III: Close Calls
PART IV: Good Omens/Bad Omens
PART V: It’s Too Bad Dave Can Only Die Once …
December
Part I: The First Time (With Sound Effects)
PART II: Cuckoo or Cuckold?
PART III: Love in L.A. II: The Myth of Counting on One Hand
PART IV: One Hot Visit
PART V: Dear Dad
PART VI: Psychobabble
PART VII: Closer Calls
January
Part I: The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: A Watched Object Changes its Course of Motion
February
Part I: Navarro Hypothesis #9
PART II: Temporary Reprieve from Darkness
PART III: Dear Adria
PART IV: Love in L.A. III: Intimacy and Communication
PART V: Running on Empty, Scene One
PART VI: Running on Empty, Scene Two
PART VII: Running on Empty, Scene Three
March
Part I: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the C: A. Jouruney into the Mind of a Girl Considering Prostitution
PART II: Cracking Up in the Citt that Never Sleeps
PART III: A Series of Answering Machine Messages
April
Part I: The Sweep
PART II: The Note
PART III: The Confession
May
Part I: A Not-So-Triumphant Return
PART II: Tori’s Story
PART III: A Triumphant Return
PART IV: The Outpatient
June 2000
Part I: “What was I Thinking?”
Postscript: June 2004
Part I: Good-Bye to Hollywood
PART II: Love in L.A. Iv: Love Doesn’t Have to Crush Your Heart Like a Coke Can
PART III: This is How we did it
PART IV: Ten Reasons not to tie off
PART V: A Final Image
Acknowledgments
Copyright
About the Publisher
Footnotes
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