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Cover
Title Page
Contents
A Note from the Author
Introduction - Last Knockings
Lesson 1 - Do Not Go to Stringfellows with Charlie Nicholas
Lesson 2 - Do Not Drink 15 Pints and Crash Your Car into a Lamppost
Lesson 3 - Do Not Cross Gorgeous George
Lesson 4 - Do Not Shit on David Seaman’s Balcony
Lesson 5 - Do Not Bet on Scotland on Your Wedding Day
Lesson 6 - Do Not Wax the Dolphin before an England Game
Lesson 7 - Do Not Go to a Detroit Gay Bar with Paul Ince and John Barnes
Lesson 8 - Do Not Wander Round Nightclubs Trying to Score Coke
Lesson 9 - Do Not Get So Paranoid That You Can’t Leave the House
Lesson 10 - Do Not Ask for a Potato Peeler in Rehab
Lesson 11 - Do Not Miss a Penalty in the UEFA Cup
Lesson 12 - Do Not Leave Arsenal with Your William Hill Head On
Lesson 13 - Do Not Let Gazza Move into Your House
Lesson 14 - Do Not Ask Eileen Drewery for a Short Back and Sides
Lesson 15 - Do Not Give Gazza the Keys to the Team Bus
Lesson 16 - Do Not Tell Harry Redknapp You’re Going into Rehab only to Bunk off to Barbados for a Jolly
Lesson 17 - Do Not Smile at a Sex Addict Called Candy
Lesson 18 - Do Not Try to Outwit Jeff Stelling
Lesson 19 - Do Not Admit Defeat (the Day-to-Day Battle)
Appendix - Mersonisms — A Soccer Saturday Glossary
About the Author
Copyright
About the Publisher
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