Allies in Healing电子书

Dedication

Contents

Introduction

Part I: Partners’ Questions

The Basics

What is child sexual abuse?

How’s this going to affect me?

Positive character traits for partners

Effects of abuse

How long does it take to heal?

The healing process

Self-absorption

Support groups

Everyone has pain

Allies in Healing

Nothing is familiar

Why me?

Coping with change

Why not just let go of it?

Partners and denial

Survivors and denial

Partners have history, too

Survivor-survivor relationships

Becoming allies

Best friends

My Needs and Feelings

Exploring my needs

Unrealistic expectations

What are boundaries?

Caretaking

Identifying my needs

Feeling guilty

Feeling angry

Feeling good

Strong reactions

Sexual arousal

Taking breaks

My despair

Should I leave?

Dealing with Crisis

Constant crisis

Being confused with the abuser

The survivor’s rage and anger

The survivor’s hopelessness

Regression and the inner child

Creating safety

Terror in the night

Self-mutilation

Suicide

More about Sexual Abuse

How memories surface

Lack of memories

Why do abusers get away with it?

Unanswered questions

Forgiveness

Feminism and abuse

“You’re just like all the other men”

Cult abuse

Multiple personalities

Abuse by therapists

Intimacy and Communication

What’s normal?

Safety and chaos

Distancing

Rigidity

Control

Trust

Keeping agreements

“She never shuts up”

“He won’t talk to me”

Telling other people

“She feels bad about herself whenever we fight”

Fear of conflict

Learning to negotiate

Will she love me in the end?

Sex

Why have things gotten worse?

When will she be ready to work on sex?

Celibacy

Sexual desire

Flashbacks

Responding to triggers

Sharing my frustrations

Bridging differences in sexual needs

Too much sex

Men as “sexual monsters”

Violent sexual fantasies

Is my wife a lesbian?

Should I give up?

Family Issues

Liking the abuser?

Losing my in-laws

I want to confront

More about confrontations

Abusers and denial

Being a mirror

Family visits

Are my kids at risk?

Talking to our children

When a child is abused

Breaking the cycle of abuse

Learning to parent

Final Thoughts

Realistic expectations

Part II: Partners’ Stories

Partners’ Stories: An Introduction

Jack’s Story: Recovering Together

Marise’s Story: “She Works Really Hard and So Do I”

Noah’s Story: Crisis and Cult Abuse

Eric’s Story: The Support of Others

Lorraine’s Story: Breaking UP

Richard’s Story: A Year at a Time

Scott’s Story: Building Trust over Time

Virginia’s Story: Forging a Commitment

Healing Books and Other Resources

Searchable Terms

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Praise

Copyright

About the Publisher