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Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Contents
An Introduction to Screwing Up
Who Are I?
Gendered Pronouns
Thesis vs. Dissertation?
The Screw-Ups
Starting Out
1 Do Not Think about Why You Are Applying
2 Ignore the Market
3 Stay at the Same University
4 Follow the Money Blindly
5 Do an Unfunded PhD
6 Do an Interdisciplinary PhD
7 Believe Advertised Completion Times
8 Ignore the Information the University Provides You
9 Expect the Money to Take Care of Itself
Supervisors
10 Go It Alone and Stay Quiet
11 Choose the Coolest Supervisor
12 Have Co-Supervisors
13 Do Not Clarify Your Supervisor’s (or Your Own) Expectations
14 Avoid Your Supervisor and Committee
15 Stay in a Bad Relationship
16 Expect People to Hold Your Hand
Managing Your Program
17 Concentrate Only on Your Thesis
18 Expect to Write the Perfect Comprehensive Exam
19 Select a Topic for Entirely Strategic Reasons
20 Do Not Teach, or Teach a Ton of Courses
21 Do Not Seek Teaching Instruction
22 Move Away from the University Before Finishing Your Degree
23 Postpone Those Tedious Approval Processes
24 Organize Everything Only in Your Head
25 Do Not Attend Conferences, or Attend Droves of Conferences
Your Work and Social Life
26 Concentrate Solely on School
27 Expect Friends and Family to Understand
28 Socialize Only with Your Clique
29 Get a Job!
Writing
30 Write Only Your PhD Thesis
31 Postpone Publishing
32 Cover Everything
33 Do Not Position Yourself
34 Write Only to Deadlines
35 Abuse Your Audience
Your Attitude and Actions
36 Expect to Be Judged Only on Your Work
37 Have a Thin Skin
38 Be Inconsiderate
39 Become “That” Student
40 Never Compromise
41 Gossip
42 Say Whatever Pops into Your Head on Social Media
Delicate Matters
43 Assume That the University Is More Inclusive Than Other Institutions
44 Rush into a Legal Battle
45 Get Romantically Involved with Faculty
46 Cheat and Plagiarize
Am I Done Yet?: On Finishing
47 Skip Job Talks
48 Expect to Land a Job in a Specific University
49 Expect People to Hire You to Teach Your Thesis
50 Turn Down Opportunities to Participate in Job Searches
51 Neglect Other People’s Theses
52 Get an Unknown External Examiner
53 Do Not Understand the Endgame
54 Be Blasé about Your Defense
55 Do Not Plan for Your Job Interview
56 Persevere at All Costs
57 Consider a Non-Academic Career a Form of Failure
Final Thoughts
Appendix: A Sketch of Grad School
The Thesis
The Program
Your Department
The People
Acknowledgments
Index
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