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Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Sarah’s Notes
Dedication
1. The Biggest Asshole of Them All
2. Hooker Shoes and Other Names I Call My Ex-Husband’s Girlfriends
3. No One in LA Has Their Own Hair
4. I Shower Regularly
5. I Should Only Date Pilots
6. See You Next Tuesday
7. I Belong to a Club of Old Men
8. I Put on Pants for This
9. Will You Be My Wing Man?
10. Karma is Also Awesome
11. Guys Who Run Homeless Shelters are the Worst
12. Obama is Under My Bed
13. I Had Dinner With Jerry O’Connell
14. Can I Have Your Friend’s Number
15. My Yoga Instructor Touched My Ass
16. My Neighbors Can’t Hear Me Scream
17. I’m Like a Nine-Year-Old Boy
18. This Isn’t the Time For Your Religion
19. Why Is The Gardner Carrying A Pistol?
20. I’m Not Your Getaway Driver
21. It’s So Trendy It Makes Me Puke
22. Please Stop Sending Me Flowers
23. I’ll Have a Salad with Flaxseeds and a Side of Fuck My Life
24. Your Instagram Doesn’t Qualify You To Date Me
25. Can I Pay To Do Your Job?
26. We Don’t Teach Science Until They Know Their Pagan Holidays
27. I Live On A Tangent
28. Oh Good, My Child Is High
Acknowledgments
Books By Sarah Noffke
Connect with Sarah Noffke
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