Gain expertise in troubleshooting most common issues to implement vSphere environments with easeAbout This BookPlan, analyze, and design effective solutions for your vSphere environmentTroubleshoot problems related to vSphere performanceFamiliarize yourself with the advanced troubleshooting conceptsand become an xpert level administrator Who This Book Is For The books is intended for mid-level System Engineers and System Integrators who want to learn VMware power tools to troubleshoot and manage the vSphere infrastructure. Good knowledge level and understanding of virtualization is expected.What You Will LearnConfigure vSphere management assistant and troubleshooting toolsUse troubleshooting tools to monitor performance and troubleshoot different issuesLearn how to troubleshoot High Availability and other commonly known problems with clusters such as insufficient resources, failing heartbeatsUse Direct Console User Interface (DCUI) to verify configurationDiagnose storage issues including iSCSI, NFS and VMFS problemsManage vSphere Network Virtual and Distributed Switches, Trunks, VLANSMonitor and shape network traffic, configure routes and DNSQuickly resolve common day-to-day problems by analysing logs of VMware vSphere hosts and VMware vCenter ServerDebug and resolve commonly known vSphere Cluster problems In Detail VMware vSphere is the leading server virtualization platform with consistent management for virtual data centers. It enhances troubleshooting skills to diagnose and resolve day to day problems in your VMware vSphere infrastructure environment. This book will provide you practical hands-on knowledge of using different performance monitoring and troubleshooting tools to manage and troubleshoot the vSphere infrastructure. It begins by introducing systematic approach for troubleshooting different problems and show casing the troubleshooting techniques. You will be able to use the troubleshooting tools to monitor performance, and troubleshoot issues related to Hosts and Virtual Machines. Moving on, you will troubleshoot High Availability, storage I/O control problems, virtual LANS, and iSCSI, NFS, VMFS issues. By the end of this book, you will be able to analyze and solve advanced issues related to vShpere environment such as vcenter certificates, database problems, and different failed state errors.Style and approach A step-by-step guide full of real world scenarios that will enhance advanced knowledge, skills, and abilities to achieve competence in troubleshooting the VMware vSphere environment. Basic concepts of vSphere and the most common vSphere infrastructure problems are explained with practical solutions to resolve it.

Build real-world hybrid mobile applications using the robust PhoneGap development platformAbout This BookGet to grips with the usage of PhoneGap and its command-line interfaceLearn to use numerous plugins to access several hardware capabilitiesStep-by-step instructions on creating captivating mobile applications using popular frameworks Who This Book Is For If you are a developer who wants to get started with mobile application development using PhoneGap, then this book is for you. Previous experience with data mining libraries will help, but is not mandatory. A basic understanding of web technologies such as HTML, CSS, and JavaScript is a must.What You Will LearnSet up a development environment to develop PhoneGap applicationsGenerate, build, and run applications using the PhoneGap command-line interfaceInstall plugins from the command line to add native capabilities to your applicationCall the JavaScript API of plugins and hook into native eventsManipulate DOM using zepto and xuijsDevelop a user interface using jQuery Mobile and the Ionic frameworkGet accustomed to using the PhoneGap Build service In Detail Developing mobile applications often feels intimidating. Especially when building cross-platform application. We have to learn a specific programming language to build an application for each platform. PhoneGap makes cross-platform mobile application development faster and easier by using web technologies such as HTML5, CSS, and JavaScript. This book gives you practical lessons on how to build a world class mobile application using PhoneGap. Whether you are a brand new to mobile application development, a web developer expert, or a seasoned mobile application developer, this book will guide you through creating hybrid mobile applications. Starting with setting up a development environment, the book moves on to utilizing a new PhoneGap command-line tool, installing plugins, and designing your application. It then moves on to concepts such as file system, storage, and local database, the book effectively lays a solid base for advanced topics. By working through the steps in each chapter, you will quickly master the features of PhoneGap. By the end of the book, you will be able to successfully build a highly functional, real-world hybrid mobile application using PhoneGap.Style and approach And easy-to-follow guide full of practical examples of real-world mobile application. Each topic is explained step by step with detailed explanations on each concept.

Get started with Amazon S3 for virtually unlimited cloud and Internet storageAbout This BookFamiliarize yourself with the concepts of Amazon S3Understand basic operations of bucket, folders, and objects using Amazon S3 SDK JavaLeverage the power of Amazon S3 to effectively store and retrieve data Who This Book Is For This book is intended for System Engineers/ Developers, Software Architects, Project managers, and users who want to explore Amazon S3 SDK Java. If you want to learn about Amazon S3 quickly, then this book is for you. Basic knowledge of Java programming is expected.What You Will LearnStart with the basic concepts of Amazon S3 to get you goingUse Copy Object and Multipart Copy Object for objects of different sizesUnderstand how to use the amazon management console for Amazon S3Learn how to use the AWS SDK of Java and consume the Amazon S3Get to grips with managing the bucket life cycleConfigure CORS to share resources to a different domainDiscover how to develop and deploy the static website on Amazon S3 using different services of Amazon In Detail Amazon Simple Storage Service (Amazon S3), provides developers and IT teams with secure, durable, and highly-scalable object storage. Amazon S3 is easy to use, with a simple web services interface to store and retrieve any amount of data from anywhere on the web. S3 is automatically web scalable and responds to the requirements of your application and traffic, and therefore offers a key element to help companies deal dynamically with any spike in traffic for their application (such as a free e-book offer). This book starts with the basics of the Amazon S3 and its features, and you will quickly get an understanding how to use the Amazon Management Console for Amazon S3 which is the simplest way to manage Amazon S3. Next, we will cover basic operations on bucket, folder, objects. Once the basic operations are understood, you will know how to use Amazon S3 using Java SDK. Following that, you will learn about Copy Objects and Multipart copy objects for large objects size. You will also learn to manage the life cycle of bucket and how to share resources to the different domain by configuring CORS. The book will then guide you through the development and deployment of a static website on Amazon S3 using different services of Amazon. By the end of the book, you will be able to create a scalable application using Amazon S3.Style and approach This fast-paced book is a pragmatic guide to writing Amazon S3 applications. Each chapter is blended beautifully with lucid concepts and pertinent examples.

Quickly get up to speed with MariaDB—the leading, drop-in replacement for MySQL, through this practical tutorialAbout This BookGet to know the basic SQL queries so you can quickly start using MariaDBTake control of your data through the advanced features of MariaDBExploit the full potential of MariaDB’s exclusive features through quick, practical examples Who This Book Is For If you don't know the SQL language, but you want to quickly jump into the SQL world and learn how to use MariaDB, or if you already know how to use MySQL but you want to go further, then this book is ideal for you.What You Will LearnInstall and configure MariaDBCreate databases, tables, and indexesImport and export data from and to external filesWork with views and virtual columnsCreate, read, update, and delete records in your databaseUse dynamic columnsSet up a powerful full-text search systemAccess your external data from MariaDB through the CONNECT engine In Detail This book will take you through all the nitty-gritty parts of MariaDB, right from the creation of your database all the way to using MariaDB’s advanced features. At the very beginning, we show you the basics, that is, how to install MariaDB. Then, we walk you through the databases and tables of MariaDB, and introduce SQL in MariaDB. You will learn about all the features that have been added in MariaDB but are absent in MySQL. Moving on, you’ll learn to import and export data, views, virtual columns, and dynamic columns in MariaDB. Then, you’ll get to grips with full-text searches and queries in MariaDb. You’ll also be familiarized with the CONNECT storage engine. At the end of the book, you’ll be introduced to the community of MariaDB.Style and approach This is a complete guide that uses concrete examples to help you understand and exploit the full potential of MariaDB.

This book offers a radical revision of modern economic theory. Its starting point is the existing body of both micro and macro economics, as developed in such textbooks as Economics by Begg, Fischer and Dornbusch and Positive Economics by Lipsey and Chrystal. Following a similar framework to these books, it adjusts the whole range of theory by introducing some new concepts and other earlier ones that have been much neglected in the economic thought of the past century. These are related especially to the fundamental part played by land, in it proper sense of all natural resources available on the earth, the significance of credit, especially through the banking system, and the crucial impact of the method of taxation. The resulting analysis yields a thoroughly revised version of the contemporary model of a capitalist economy, so that a genuine ‘third way’ is revealed. This is not a mere modification of the present system of absentee ownership confronting a market for labour, with all the attendant evils of unemployment, monopoly and maldistribution of wealth and income. Rather it is a system based upon natural law, exhibiting economic security for all, fair distribution of output and, above all, the opportunity for self-fulfillment through work. The ‘new model’ draws upon the masters of economic thought from Smith and Ricardo to Marshall, Schumpeter and Keynes, by highlighting concepts often omitted from current studies of their works; such as Ricardo’s analysis of scarcity and differential elements of rent, Schumpeter’s view of the role of banking and Keynes’s hints at a labour theory of value. Indeed this far-reaching revision makes bold advances upon the Marshallian theory of the firm and the Keynesian theory of national income determination, thus providing new insights into both micro and macro theory. It remains faithful, however to the tradition of these latter thinkers in explaining matters fully in words, and resorting to mathematics mainly through the use of diagrams intelligible to anyone with an elementary grasp of the subject. Whilst the book strives to avoid value judgements in the interests of social science, it undoubtedly carries strong implications about economic policy. These are bound up with the central notions of free land and free credit, which have been singularly ignored by policy-makers since a few valiant attempts to introduce them in the early twentieth century. Hence the ‘new model’ is offered to both theorists and practitioners of economics, to politicians and public servants, but particularly to those who, like the author, truly seek a new vision of the subject.

In the two and a half years since the first edition appeared (April 2005), events have unfolded as predicted. Then the consensus among forecasters was that the boom in house prices would cool to an annual 2 or 3% rise over the following years. In fact, in keeping with the ‘winner’s curse’ phase of the cycle described by the author, prices rose by more than 10% per annum in Britain. Harrison’s first book, The Power in the Land, predicted the early 1990s recession. Boom Bust, warned that investing in property is not always a safe bet, because the housing market is subject to a sharp downturn at the end of a remarkably regular 18-year cycle. The crash of 2007/8 occurred exactly as predicted. His forecast was based on a careful study of the evidence from property markets in many countries over the last 200 years. Gordon Brown’s claim, last made in his 2007 Budget speech, that ‘we will never return to the old boom and bust’ has been proved false. The reason for the instability, Harrison explains, is not the housing market itself but the land market on which all buildings stand. Land is in fixed supply ‘ as Mark Twain noted: ‘They’re not making any more of it’. Therefore, as the demand for land for new homes and offices rises with population growth and economic expansion, market forces, which normally increase supply to reduce prices, have the reverse effect: prices rise. This encourages speculation, with banks lending more against escalating asset values and reinforcing the upward spiral. Under existing government policies, the only way land prices can be brought back to affordable levels is a slump, undermining the banking system and causing widespread unemployment and repossessions. This is exactly what happened in America with the collapse of the sub-prime mortgage market. The run on Northern Rock showed the UK economy is not immune. The author reveals that the government’s monetary policy only has a marginal impact on land speculation, but as the Bank of England raises interest rates to curb house price inflation, the main victim is the first-time buyer and the productive economy, especially small businesses. The only way to neutralise the boom bust cycle in the housing market is through a reform of taxation, he claims. ‘This book is an important contribution to an overdue debate.’ Martin Ricketts, Chairman of the Academic Advisory Council of the Institute of Economic Affairs and Professor of Economic Organisation, University of Buckingham. Endorsing the thrust of Harrison’s argument, Prof. Ricketts goes on to acknowledge ‘that insufficient attention has been given by policymakers to the rent of land as socially the most efficient source of public revenue’, and that that will ‘have important practical consequences … for the stability of the economic system’. Economic stability is the objective of Gordon Brown and most governments around the world. Harrison explains how this may be achieved.

St Claire Bullock - a Professor of Philosophy, no less - in the intervals between pondering the great questions of life, turned his hand to penning light verse in the manner of Hilaire Belloc, Ogden Nash and Edward Lear. In rhyming couplets these wry and witty poems ponder the foibles and vanities of mortals. Some of these are captured in pen and ink drawings which caricature the subject of the poems. Each character is given an amusing name, beginning with Master Cecil Abercorn, through Clarence Castle, Serena Huff, The Marchioness of Mal de Mer, Major Houghton Reid and Thomas Tinkham Tattersall to Roland Washburn White. There are 70 poems in all of which 10 are illustrated. The illustration on the front cover relates to Rupert Ashe: 'The greatest pride of Rupert Ashe was his luxuriant moustache. He took great care to keep it groomed, And even, with restraint, perfumed. He brushed it upward every day, and it made such a grand display, that people who were not the wiser, imagined that he was the Kaiser.'

Arguing that an efficient economic system can be compatible with a fair share for all, this novel centers on a United States president who changes his mind about his policies. A deliberate parable about today’s political wars, the novel illustrates the reforms posed by a real 19th-century figure, the American economist Henry George. Accordingly, this fictional reelection campaign provides a convenient stage for speeches and debates when the incumbent president goes missing—and returns with a platform for social justice that enrages those with vested interests and confounds his party operatives.

Having sailed with Sir Francis Drake, swashbuckling privateer Rodney Hawkhurst yearns for a galleon of his own with which to plunder the Spanish Main in the name of Queen Elizabeth. Seeking investment from Sir Harry Gillingham, he has a fleeting encounter with an elfin, tomboyish golden-red-haired beauty Sir Harry?s youngest daughter Lizbeth and is bewitched by her limpid green eyes. Yet it is fair and golden-haired elder sister Phillida with whom he first falls in love... Granted his finances on the condition that Sir Harry?s weak, possibly even traitorous son sails with him in the hope that the mission will make him a man, Rodney embarks on a voyage of blood, honour and glory in which he gains great riches but loses his heart, not once, but twice. The risks are great but so are the rewards: wealth beyond compare and, as Rodney finally discovers, a greater, deeper, more passionate love than he ever imagined possible.

"?Do you really think you could work as I had to work to keep your mother from starvationMy dear child, you have lived in the lap of luxury all your life. You could no more earn a penny piece than fly over the moon!Kasia?s father laughs scornfully. This is justification for his decision to marry her off to a man she does not love purely to save her from fortune hunters. So Kasia runs away to prove him wrong by working as Governess to the Duke of Dreghorne?s unruly nephew. As Kasia gains the trust of the child, she earns first the respect and then the growing affection of the Lord. But when she and the boy are kidnapped the stakes are irrevocably raised and the Duke?s reputation as a Dare-Devil will be tested one final time... Will Kasia?s father forgive herWill Fate finally unite the hearts of Kasia and the Dare-Devil Duke?"

Destitute after the death of her beloved Papa, Carmela is miserable working as Nanny to the brattish children of the local vicar. So when her closest friend Felicity asks her to take her place in the home of her guardian, the dictatorial Earl of Galeston, she nervously agrees. The subterfuge is necessary to ensure Felicity can marry the love of her life – and possible firstly because none of Felicity’s feuding family have set eyes on her since she was a child... And secondly because both young women are blue-eyed, blonde and beautiful. The Earl’s ancestral home is awe-inspiring – but it is the Earl himself who makes the greatest impression on Carmela. Growing to appreciate the profound kindness behind his steely fa?ade, she falls deeply, utterly in love... But can true love live when it’s based on a lieThe Earl finds the answer in his heart when Carmela’s life – and any hope of love – is at stake...

Tasked by the Prime Minister himself with bringing to justice the smuggling gangs that are rife around the Kent and Sussex coast, esteemed Napoleonic war hero Lord Cheriton is surprised to find a beautiful young girl called Wivina living in his dead and deeply hated father’s supposedly vacant mansion. She has no idea who he is – and when he hears his reputation as a cold-hearted Lord who would turn her out without a qualm, he tells her he is just a passing friend... Nevertheless Wivina seems terrified by his presence – but whyRealising the entire village is at the mercy of a cut-throat gang and Wivina’s prey to its murderous leader, Lord Cheriton endeavours to save the young beauty who’s stolen his heart while accomplishing his mission to stop the smugglers once and for all. For the first time, he is fighting not for his country but for the love of his life – and the life of his love.

Have you ever been so desperate that you would do literally anything for moneyThis is the tragic situation Giselda finds herself in, with no money for an operation her younger brother desperately needs to save his life, and no one to turn to. Ground down by poverty she plucks up her courage to offer the only thing she has of value her purity. Choking back her pride and knowing that she is about to forfeit his respect, she approaches her wealthy employer, the handsome Earl of Lyndhurst, who is recovering from his injuries sustained in the Battle of Waterloo. Appalled that this frail and innocent young girl should be faced with such a terrible decision, he vows to find a way to help her without offending her dignity. He knows she would never accept his charity, and she refuses to confide in him the reasons for her family's poverty. Intrigued by the air of mystery about a girl of obvious quality reduced to the role of maidservant, the Earl decides to discover why a beautiful young woman of strong principles has been reduced to such extreme measures. Discovering her to have gentle hands and wonderful nursing skills he employs her as his private nurse and turns his sharp mind to uncovering her secrets and learns his own lessons in love in the process.

Bereaved of her beloved father at sixteen, and now her mother, Belinda Wyncombe?s only comfort is that she still has the family?s home. Until she finds her irresponsible stepfather, Captain D?Arcy Rowland, has squandered their money and fraudulently mortgaged the house. This means he faces jail while Belinda faces penury, unless she complies with her stepfather?s shameful scheme to gain and ruthlessly exploit the trust of the famed adventurer ?LuckyLogan, who has made a fortune with his legendary ability to find diamonds, gold and other precious metals wherever he travels. Every fibre of Belinda?s being recoils from such deceit more so when she finds that Marcus ?LuckyLogan is not the greedy fortune hunter of her imagining but a generous, handsome and heroic man. When murderous thugs come for Marcus in the dead of night, it is Belinda who raises the alarm and saves his life. And when he kisses her,Belinda is suddenly, utterly, in love but surely her love is doomed by her deceit?

Following the sudden death of his rakish father, Seldon Burn unexpectedly inherits the title of Duke of Otterburn. Returning to the family estate, he swiftly discovers that the title is the only thing he has inherited – along with a mountain of his father’s debts and nothing to pay them with. A brave and proud soldier, nothing has prepared the new Duke for the devastation to the family coffers caused by his late father’s love of lavish entertainment, Gaiety Girls and good living. Meeting with the family Solicitor, the Duke is horrified to discover the Ducal properties are crumbling, everything of value is entailed and even the racehorses have not been schooled properly. Desperately seeking to rebuild the family fortune and honourably fulfil his duty of care to the old and infirm of the village, his cousin Edith, a sophisticated Socialite, offers a solution. She suggests that he follows in the footsteps of many an impoverished English aristocrat and marries a wealthy American heiress – she even has a fitting bride in mind from her recent visit to New York. With no viable alternative and a pressing demand for money, a wedding is hastily arranged – but will the English traditions of generations of the Burn’s family be overshadowed by the razzle-dazzle of the Duke’s mother-in-law to be, Mrs. Vandevilt, the renowned New York hostessHorrified at being married for his title and not love, the Duke is so angry that he barely considers the feelings of his young and vulnerable bride. Meanwhile, the lovely Magnolia Vandevilt, one of the richest heiresses in America, is equally disgusted and contemptuous of a man who is marrying her only for her money. Joined together in holy matrimony, can this marriage of convenience ever be more than a disappointment and battleground as both parties dream of the love they might have had?

Teresa is everything her father Sir Hubert Bryan could wish for – clever, loyal and sharp-witted. The only problem is that she was born a girl and not the son he hoped would follow in his footsteps. But Teresa sees no reason why her gender should prevent her from being an asset to him in his mighty shipping empire, and tells him so. Sir Hubert is astounded at her request – he is far more concerned that his beautiful daughter will fall prey to the scavengers and fortune hunters amongst London Society. Having made his own vast fortune the hard way he is only too aware of what men will do to have access to the kind of wealth his lovely daughter will inherit. So when his dear friend the Marquess of Walstoke begs for help to prevent his heir Harry, the Earl of Lanbourne, making a disastrous marriage to a notorious actress he sees an opportunity to help his friend, and set a test of intelligence for his daughter too. Together, the two men hatch a plot to ‘save’ Harry from himself and prevent him from ruining his life. Promising her work in the family business, Teresa agrees to her father’s pleas to play a central character in a daring deception. But Harry is not a fool, and astounded at his uncle’s lack of faith in him he storms off to Bourne Hall, his family estate, taking Teresa with him. Teresa is torn; she loves her father but the longer she spends with Harry the more her loyalties are tested. Experiencing strange new feelings, she begins to have her own reasons to make sure that Harry puts the past behind him. But are these reciprocatedOr is Harry destined to shake the foundations of Society by making his flame-haired actress the new Countess of Lanbourne?

While staying at Lady Merrill’s French Riviera villa, flame haired and beautiful American heiress Nevada van Arden passes her time by casually breaking the hearts of her many ardent suitors – particularly that of young David, Lord Merrill. When his uncle, intrepid explorer and diplomat Tyrone Strome, overhears her cruel humiliation of his lovelorn nephew, he resolves to teach this ‘vixen’ a lesson – and save David from his misery. Tyrone Strome abducts Nevada, spiriting her away in his luxury yacht to Morocco. There the reluctant voyager, swaddled in native clothing, is terrified by the perils of the Sahara and its nomadic tribesmen. But, as they flee from certain death or worse, they find sanctuary in a beautiful hidden valley, a second Garden of Eden, where to Nevada’s surprise, love begins to blossom in the desert.

While staying at Lady Merrill’s French Riviera villa, flame haired and beautiful American heiress Nevada van Arden passes her time by casually breaking the hearts of her many ardent suitors – particularly that of young David, Lord Merrill. When his uncle, intrepid explorer and diplomat Tyrone Strome, overhears her cruel humiliation of his lovelorn nephew, he resolves to teach this ‘vixen’ a lesson – and save David from his misery. Tyrone Strome abducts Nevada, spiriting her away in his luxury yacht to Morocco. There the reluctant voyager, swaddled in native clothing, is terrified by the perils of the Sahara and its nomadic tribesmen. But, as they flee from certain death or worse, they find sanctuary in a beautiful hidden valley, a second Garden of Eden, where to Nevada’s surprise, love begins to blossom in the desert.

The Marquis of Stowe is on the verge of a dreadful scandal that threatens to ruin both him and the lovely, but married, Lady Burnham. Knowing that their secret is out and that her husband will be plotting revenge, the Marquis casts about desperately for a way to avoid the scandal, which he knows is inevitable despite the wealth and good looks that have made him a darling of the Beau Monde. Seeing a perfect solution, he decides to offer marriage to the Duke of Dawlish’s daughter and leaves for the country. Surely the Duke will be grateful for his daughter to make such a matchThere is only one problem – marrying the Duke’s daughter might provide a way out of his current dilemma, but having met her the Marquis is dismayed by her dullness. Horrified at the sacrifice he would have to make, he suddenly realises that there is another way to put the cuckolded husband off the scent and preserve his freedom – as long as he can find a young woman happy to go along with his seemingly foolproof idea. Eager to renew his acquaintance with Ajanta Tiverton, the beautiful daughter of a local Vicar, the Marquis hurtles to the Vicarage to tell her his plan and the role that only she can play. Certain that this will get him out of immediate danger and sure that he can offer an attractive financial incentive to help the impoverished family, it seems that if their daring charade is successful everyone involved will benefit. All Ajanta has to do is play her part and all will be well. Swept into a rich luxurious world they have never known before, the Marquis sets out to charm the Vicar and Ajanta’s sisters. Delighted by their new surroundings and excited by the attention of the eloquent Marquis they cannot believe the happiness Ajanta has bought into their lives. But the Marquis is not the only one masking the truth – Ajanta too has a family secret she would prefer not to share and, as the deception continues and feelings run high, she cannot help but worry what will happen in the final Act of their play and where the curtain will fall.

There's trouble at the Castle, and it's all because Merrin Meredith has returned with Darke plans for Septimus. More trouble awaits Septimus and Jenna in the form of Tertius Fume, the ghost of the very first Chief Hermetic Scribe, who is determined to send Septimus on a deadly Queste. But Septimus and Jenna have other plans they are headed for the mysterious House of Foryx, a place where all Time meets and the place where they fervently hope they will be able to find Nicko and Snorri, who were trapped back in time in physik. But how will Septimus escape the QuesteQueste , like all the books in the Septimus Heap series, is filled with nonstop action, humor, and fantastical adventure as Septimus continues his journey of Magykal self-discovery.

Dear Reader, I'm sorry to say that the book you are holding in your hands is extremely unpleasant. It tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children. Even though they are charming and clever, the Baudelaire siblings lead lives filled with misery and woe. From the very first page of this book when the children are at the beach and receive terrible news, continuing on through the entire story, disaster lurks at their heels. One might say they are magnets for misfortune. In this short book alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast. It is my sad duty to write down these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from putting this book down at once and reading something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket