A NEW AND FACETIOUS INTRODUCTION TO THE ENGLISH TONGUEBy Percival LeighEmbellished with upwards of forty-five Characteristic IllustrationsBy JOHN LEECH. Fashion requires, and like the rest of her sex, requires because she requires, that before a writer begins the business of his book, he should give an account to the world of his reasons for producing it; and therefore, to avoid singularity, we shall proceed with the statement of our own, excepting only a few private ones, which are neither here nor there. To advance the interests of mankind by promoting the cause of Education; to ameliorate the conversation of the masses; to cultivate Taste, and diffuse Refinement; these are the objects we have in view in submitting a Comic English Grammar to the patronage of a discerning Public. Few persons there are, whose ears are so extremely obtuse, as not to be frequently annoyed at the violations of Grammar by which they are so often assailed. It is really painful to be forced, in walking along the streets, to hear such phrases as, "That 'ere omnibus." "Where've you bin?" "Vot's the odds?" and the like. Very dreadful expressions are also used by cartmen and others in addressing their horses. What can possibly induce a human being to say "Gee woot!" "'Mather way!" or "Woa not to mention the atrocious "Kim aup!" of the barbarous butcher's boy. It is notorious that the above and greater enormities are perpetrated in spite of the number of Grammars already before the world. This fact sufficiently excuses the present addition to the stock; and as serious English Grammars have hitherto failed to effect the desired reformation, we are induced to attempt it by means of a Comic one. With regard to the moral tendency of our labors, we may be here permitted to remark, that they will tend, if successful, to the suppression of evil speaking ; and as the Spartans used to exhibit a tipsy slave to their children with a view to disgust them with drunkenness, and We will not allow a man to give an old woman a dose of rhubarb if he have not acquired at least half a dozen sciences; but we permit a quack to sell as much poison as he pleases. When one man runs away with another's wife, and, being on that account challenged to fight a duel, shoots the aggrieved party through the head, the latter is said to receive satisfaction. We never take a glass of wine at dinner without getting somebody else to do the same, as if we wanted encouragement; and then, before we venture to drink, we bow to each other across the table, preserving all the while a most wonderful gravity. This, however, it may be said, is the natural result of endeavoring to keep one another in countenance. The way in which we imitate foreign manners and customs is very amusing. Savages stick fish-bones through their noses; our fair countrywomen have hoops of metal poked through their ears. The Caribs flatten the forehead; the Chinese compress the foot; and we possess similar contrivances for reducing the figure of a young lady to a resemblance to an hour-glass or a devil-on-two-sticks. There being no other assignable motive for these and the like proceedings, it is reasonable to suppose that they are adopted, as schoolboys say, "for fun." We could go on, were it necessary, adducing facts to an almost unlimited extent; but we consider that enough has now been said in proof of the comic character of the national mind. And in conclusion, if any other than an English or American author can be produced, equal in point of wit, humor, and drollery, to Swift, Sterne, Dickens, or Paulding, we hereby engage to eat him; albeit we have no pretensions to the character of a "helluo librorum." "English Grammar," according to Lindley Murray, "is the art of speaking and writing the English language with propriety." The English language, written and spoken with propriety, is commonly called the King's English.

To my thinking, all modern English books on the Devil and his works are unsatisfactory. They all run in the same groove, give the same cases of witchcraft, and, moreover, not one of them is illustrated. I have endeavoured to remedy this by localizing my facts, and by reproducing all the engravings I could find suitable to my purpose. I have also tried to give a succinct account of demonology and witchcraft in England and America, by adducing authorities not usually given, and by a painstaking research into old cases, carefully taking everything from original sources, and bringing to light very many cases never before republished. For the benefit of students, I have given—as an Appendix—a list of the books consulted in the preparation of this work, which, however, the student must remember is not an exhaustive bibliography on the subject, but only applies to this book, whose raison d’être is its localization. The frontispiece is supposed to be the only specimen of Satanic caligraphy in existence, and is[Pg vi] taken from the ‘Introductio in Chaldaicam Linguam,’ etc., by Albonesi (Pavia, 1532). The author says that by the conjuration of Ludovico Spoletano the Devil was called up, and adjured to write a legible and clear answer to a question asked him. Some invisible power took the pen, which seemed suspended in the air, and rapidly wrote what is facsimiled. The writing was given to Albonesi (who, however, confesses that no one can decipher it), and his chief printer reproduced it very accurately. I am told by experts that in some of the characters may be found a trace of Amharic, a language spoken in its purity in the province of Amhara (Ethiopia), and which, according to a legend, was the primeval language spoken in Eden. JOHN ASHTON. CHAPTER IUniversal Belief in the Personality of the Devil, as portrayed by the British Artist—Arguments in Favour of his Personality—Ballad—‘Terrible and Seasonable Warning to Young Men.’ The belief in a good and evil influence has existed from the earliest ages, in every nation having a religion. The Egyptians had their Typho, the Assyrians their Ti-a-mat (the Serpent), the Hebrews their Beelzebub, or Prince of Flies,[1] and the Scandinavians their Loki. And many religions teach that the evil influence has a stronger hold upon mankind than the good influence—so great, indeed, as to nullify it in a large degree. Christianity especially teaches this: ‘Enter ye by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many be they that enter in thereby. For narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leadeth unto life, and few be they that find it.’ This doctrine of the great power of the Devil, or evil influence over man, is preached from every pulpit, under every form of Christianity, throughout the world; and although at the present time it is only confined to the greater moral power of the Devil over man, at an earlier period it was an article of belief that he was able to exercise a greater physical power. This was coincident with a belief in his personality; and it is only in modern times that that personality takes an alluring form. In the olden days the Devil was always depicted as ugly and repulsive as the artist could represent him, and yet he could have learned a great deal from the modern Chinese and Japanese. The ‘great God Pan,’ although he was dead, was resuscitated in order to furnish a type for ‘the Prince of Darkness’; and, accordingly, he was portrayed with horns, tail and cloven feet, making him an animal, according to a mot attributed to Cuvier, ‘graminivorous, and decidedly ruminant’; while, to complete his classical ensemble, he was invested with the forked sceptre of Pluto, only supplemented with another tine.

“From the fury of the Northmen, good Lord deliver us.” – Anonymous monk, Noirmoutier, France, 9th century AD Beginning in 789AD, the Vikings raided monasteries, sacked cities and invaded western Europe. They looted and enslaved their enemies. But that is only part of their story. In long boats they discovered Iceland and America (both by accident) and also sailed up the Seine to Paris (which they sacked). They settled from Newfoundland to Russia, founded Dublin and fought battles as far afield as the Caspian Sea. A thousand years after their demise, traces of the Vikings remain all the way from North America to Istanbul. They traded walruses with Inuits, brought Russian furs to Western Europe and took European slaves to Constantinople. Their graves contain Arab silver, Byzantine silks and Frankish weapons. In this accessible book, the whole narrative of the Viking story is examined from the eighth to the eleventh centuries. Arranged thematically, Vikings: A History of the Norse People examines the Norsemen from exploration to religion to trade to settlement to weaponry to kingdoms to their demise and legacy. But today questions remain: what prompted the first Viking raids? What stopped their expansion? And how much of the tales of murder, rape and pillage is myth? Illustrated with more than 200 photographs, maps and artworks, Vikings: A History of the Norse People is an expertly written account of a people who have long captured the popular imagination.

A manhunt can involve helicopters, hounds and hundreds of military or police personnel, but it can also turn on the evidence of one broken spider’s web. Manhunts today might involve the technology of infrared cameras and surveillance devices such as powerful satellite technology, but they may also rely on examining the width, depth, tread and intervals of footprints, or observing minute changes in the natural environment. From searching for high-value enemy targets such as Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to finding soldiers caught behind enemy lines, from escaped prisoners and serial killers to a missing child, SAS and Elite Forces Guide: Manhunt explores just how the military and police forces track people down. Including many case studies of high-value targets, suspected criminals and fugitives from justice, and with extensive background on the different techniques in tracking used, from traditional Native American trackers’ skills to the latest high-tech methods, Manhunt brings together the history and science of tracking. Illustrated with 150 maps and photographs, SAS and Elite Forces Guide: Manhunt is an authoritative examination of tracking from footprints to forensics and a must for anyone interested in the latest military practices, true crime and survival skills.

Small arms have developed hugely since the introduction of the machine gun in the 1870s. Magazine-fed rifles, submachine guns, automatic pistols and, later, assault rifles and personal defence weapons have changed the face of infantry warfare, offering a range of weaponry designed for both the specialist and novice. The World’s Greatest Small Arms features 52 weapons from the late 19th century to the present day. The book includes the best-known weapons from throughout the modern era, from the Gatling gun, SMLE rifle and Luger pistol, to the Uzi, FN MAG and the M110 sniper rifle. Great iconic weapons, such as the Colt M1911 pistol, Bren Gun, MP5 submachine gun, and Steyr AUG rifle are featured, as well as timeless classics still in use today: the M2 Browning 50 cal, AK-47 and M16 rifle. Each weapon is illustrated with a colour profile artwork and photographs, along with a description of the weapon’s development and history, key features and a full specifications box. Including more than 200 artworks and photographs, The World’s Greatest Small Arms is a colourful guide for the military historian.

Charles Dickens’ timeless story is brought to life in this vibrant new version by the award-winning playwright Neil Duffield. Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year! Well, it is for everyone except the miserable Scrooge. He prefers to spend Christmas all alone in his large house, instead of celebrating with mistletoe and merriment. Bah, humbug! But one cold, dark Christmas Eve Scrooge is surprised by the ghost of Marley, his former business partner. Marley warns Scrooge that he will be called upon by three spirits – each will take him on a mysterious and magical journey to show him the error of his ways… Can Scrooge discover the true wonder and meaning of Christmas before it’s too late?

In any military operation throughout history, few 24-hour periods have been as crucial as that of 6th June 1944. With the aid of specially commissioned maps, D-Day: The First 24 Hours series gives the dramatic history of the first 24 hours of the Normandy landings, and explains in detail the events that occurred in each landing zone. In this second volume of the series, the book describes the airborne landings by paratroopers and glider troops that secured the flanks of the Allied beachheads, including such famous encounters as Pegasus Bridge and Ste Mère Eglise, as well as the more secret operations carried out by the SAS, SOE and Maquis. With colour and black & white photographs and specially commissioned maps, the book is a guide to key events in the first 24 hours of the D-Day landings that saw the Allies successfully achieve a foothold in Northern Europe.

A series of short, single voice plays by writers based in the North West of England. These powerful, contemporary monologues share the struggles, courage, conflicts and joys of different characters facing difficult decisions in their lives. Developed through consultation with young people, they offer a range of authentic, memorable voices to stimulate discussion and participatory drama work. ‘First Date’ by Anne-Marie O’Connor: Sometimes friendship comes with a heavy price tag. ‘Getting it Right’ by Peter Spafford: Luke can't choose between his shirts, let alone his parents. ‘Results Day’ by Aelish Michael: Karly’s mum thinks she’s an angel, but what if she flaps her wings? ‘Close to Home’ by Mary Cooper: Jay’s little sister is pregnant and he’s livid – who’s he going to punish? ‘Weighed Down’ by Carla Monvid-Jenkinson and Mary Cooper: When Claire’s dad left, she thought that he was all she would lose. ‘Giggsy’s Legs’ by Michael Harvey: Do you choose everything you are or does it choose you?

Welcome! Come on in! Take part in the project launch of ArtWorks, the new back to work initiative created and run by your friend and ours, the one, the only, the most fantastic… Vince Fine! And so begins the project launch from hell… Exploring issues of how society views those living on benefits, the ‘creative industries’ and what we should value in life, this dark comedy (running in real time) charts the fall from grace of the central comedic hero, Vince Fine, as he watches everything he’s ever dreamed of slip from his fingers. Includes some audience participation and interaction.

Sean Smith is the UK’s leading celebrity biographer and the author of six Sunday Times bestsellers, with his titles being translated throughout the world. Described by the Independent as a ‘fearless chronicler’, he specialises in meticulous research, going ‘on the road’ to find the real person behind the star image.

"e;The fate of our times is characterized by rationalization and intellectualization and, above all, by 'the disenchantment of the world.'"e; Max Weber's statement remains a dominant interpretation of the modern condition: the increasing capabilities of knowledge and science have banished mysteries, leaving a world that can be mastered technically and intellectually. And though this idea seems empowering, many people have become disenchanted with modern disenchantment. Using intimate encounters with works of art to explore disenchantment and the possibilities of re-enchantment, Arts of Wonder addresses questions about the nature of humanity, the world, and God in the wake of Weber's diagnosis of modernity.?Jeffrey L. Kosky focuses on a handful of artists-Walter De Maria, Diller + Scofidio, James Turrell, and Andy Goldworthy-to show how they introduce spaces hospitable to mystery and wonder, redemption and revelation, and transcendence and creation. What might be thought of as religious longings, he argues, are crucial aspects of enchanting secularity when developed through encounters with these works of art. Developing a model of religion that might be significant to secular culture, Kosky shows how this model can be employed to deepen interpretation of the art we usually view as representing secular modernity. A thoughtful dialogue between philosophy and art, Arts of Wonder will catch the eye of readers of art and religion, philosophy of religion, and art criticism.

You drag yourself to work wearing your office uniform, complete with khaki pants and sense of impending doom. After grabbing a cup of the office sludge, you settle in with your fellow cube dwellers and wonder: How will I last another day in this freaky corporate jungleCheaper than therapy, Cube Monkeys is your secret weapon to surviving the longest 40 hours of the week. Wanna get the overachieving intern firedDon't know how to tell the Stink Bomb down the hall he needs a scrub a dub dubAfraid you may have told off the boss after your fifth margarita at last night's happy hourNeed a handy list of excuses good for any occasionLook no further. The editors of CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications have answers to your most pressing office survival questions, as well as advice, tips, and more to help you make it through the day without killing anyone. (Well, maybe the intern will take a hit. But that little snitch had it coming.)

At last, a humorous, anecdote-filled exploration of the many ways in which women stab each other in the back and talk about each other behind closed doors If you exhibit any of these traits, you may be guilty of being a Player hateHER: You get upset when people don't notice how fabulous you are. You vow to get revenge on your boyfriend's mistress, instead of him. You become angry when you see someone wearing the same outfit you purchased, as if it were produced just for you. Player hateHER shows women why they hate on one another, and, most important, how they can stop! A much-needed lesson in respecting one another and respecting yourself.

If business is a hamster wheel, what kind of hamster do you want to beThe one who runs all day long, huffing and puffing to keep things turningOr the sleek and happy rodent who works in the corner office down the hallStanley Bing has seen the way the big furballs operate in good times and bad.Core skills taught in this book:DelegationTelling people what to do and having them do it.AbsenceOperating from the digital vacuum.Abuse of statusIt can be done.DecisivenessEven when confused.EngagementBut only when necessary.Step off the wheel.Grab this book.And relax.

A salvo of hilarity from that loose canon of American humor that Mirth of a Nation editor Michael J. Rosen has culled from some 1200 pages of brilliantly original works by our best contemporary humorists. This action-packed compilation of highlights includes Bobbie Ann Mason's stint at the La Bamba hotline, David Rakoff's insights on families, Andy Borowitz's memoir of Emily Dickinson (basically, she was a drunken jerk), and Michael Feldman's helpful (re)locating of the Midwest.

When Brian Sack's mother passed away, he was left with a letter and a pink cardigan. The cardigan was promptly placed in a drawer, but the letter was pure gold. In just a few pages of fancy cursive, her posthumous dispatch offered the kind of guidance you would expect from a mother to her young son. And while he didn't necessarily follow all the advice, he never forgot how very important those words and that letter were to him. Decades later, on the verge of parenthood himself, Brian decided to write something for his own child, wanting a legacy, and not just a pink cardigan, to leave to his son. But far from the usual collection of advice, Brian has written a sharp, sage, warts-and-all survival guide to life.With quick wit and self-deprecating honesty, Sack draws from his experiences, tapping them for the humor within. Holding nothing back, he: Gives the skinny on relationships don't let the woman you love wander alone in France Commiserates about the death of the meritocracy wanting to sing doesn't mean you can Recounts his awkward entry into fatherhood you'll overcome your aversion to poo Offers firsthand advice avoid any bipolar lady with a drug-sniffing wonder-cat And argues that the Empire State Building is not a phallic symbol no matter what the professor said Every chapter takes on subjects ranging from the universal and mundane to the life changing and inevitable. With its funny and heartfelt musings from a father to a son, In the Event of My Untimely Demise is a delightful life primer for all of us.

An inside look at the life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, as she dishes on everything from relationships, food, and fat to why once you go black, you never go back In her jaw-droppingly hilarious and politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all including the dysfunctional childhood that made her the insult comic she is today, the subject for which she's best known (black men, black men, and more black men), and her hilarious struggles with her addiction to food and hot guys. By telling her story in her very real, very candid, very open way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to be yourself, even if it's just one rehab stint at a time. Lisa also takes readers behind the scenes at the roasts that have marked her comedy career and launched her into the comedy elite, and reveals the important "firsts" in her career, including her first time on her hero's program, The Howard Stern Show.Chocolate, Please is a side-splittingly funny portrait of the woman behind the award-winning insult comedy.

A hilariously funny, touching, and revelatory book from one of America's preeminent humorists In his plays, his screenplays, and his writing for the New Yorker and Premiere, Paul Rudnick has established himself as a comic master whose talents transcend genre. Now, in I Shudder, he trains his wickedly perceptive eye on everything from his New Jersey family to Hollywood to demented alcoholic Broadway stars waving swords. At his Uncle Rudy's funeral, Rudnick's beloved Aunt Lil put one hand on her husband's coffin and her other hand on Rudnick's shoulder and said, "Your Uncle Rudy always loved you. He never understood why, in your writing, you had to use that kind of language, but he loved you."Charming and touching, I Shudder is rendered in Rudnick's gorgeous, zinger-laden prose and reminds us of the need to keep our tongues sharp in the midst of life's many obstacles and absurdities. Here is one of the most accomplished collections in years, from a writer who ranks with David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs as one of our most gifted and hilarious social observers.

An irreverent and ridiculous collection of "found" documents that will change everything you thought you knew about rock and roll, by the creator and star of Adult Swim's DelocatedJon Glaser delves into the unknown and highly secretive histories of dozens of rock and roll's greatest bands with sometimes spectacular, sometimes heartbreaking, always completely made-up results. In this book, you'll discover the following: Handwritten letters by Glaser's own father, which reveal him to be an early member of the band we now know as ZZ Top Old lyrics journals of, among others, Bob Dylan and David Bowie, featuring a collection of songs they probably hoped would never see the light of day A letter from Ringo to the rest of the Beatles, the week after their breakup, informing them of his plans to start a Beatles tribute band Formerly classified government documents with shocking revelations about the Navy SEALs and the Butthole Surfers Prince's set list for the bat mitzvah of Steven Spielberg's daughter Rachel, including the songs "Purple Oy Vey," "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Rabbi," and "When Doves Kvetch" My Dead Dad Was in ZZ Top is for everyone who loves absurd, made-up stories about their favorite bands. It's also for everyone who doesn't love absurd, made-up stories about their favorite real bands they just might not enjoy it as much.

Enlighten Up Already!MonetManetWho can even tell the differenceWell, with the help of the newest mental_floss tome, you can! Want to learn how to tell egg rolls from spring rolls, nuclear bombs from dirty nuclear bombs, or even how to tell an idiot from a moron (there's a real scientific difference)Piece of cake! Whether you're trying to impress your boss, your mother-in-law, attractive singles, or a pack of fourth graders (you know how they love semantics), mental_floss gives you all the tips and tricks to have you sounding like a genius.

Nobody likes to think about death, but the world would be awfully crowded without it.From YouTube sensation Ken Tanaka and actor David Ury, who was crushed by an ATM on AMC's Breaking Bad, comes Everybody Dies, a colorful story and delightful assemblage of games that makes it easy-even fun- to come to grips with mortality.