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万本电子书0元读

The Worst Noel
The Worst Noel
Collected Authors of the Worst Noel
¥83.93
Does the thought of mistletoe give you hivesDoes the sound of jingling bellsinstill fear in your heartDo you hide under the covers from the day after Thanksgiving till New Year's DayAnd even if you love Christmas, do thehyperconsumerism, overindulgence, andtinsel-covered everything make you crazy?If you said yes to any of these questions, this is the book for you. You are not alone. Everyone has a Christmas-nightmare story to tell. Some of the best writers around have gone through some of the worst Christmases ever. Their tales of holly-draped horror are gathered here for your amusement, from NEAL POLLACK's Christmas-ham disaster to the accidental Santahood of JONI RODGERS to BINNIE KIRSHENBAUM's receiving what may be the worst gift ever given. And Stanley Bing gives us a peek at the lonely guy's Xmas feast. All this, plus many more recollections of Worst Noels past.So pour yourself a glass of eggnog, chisel off a piece of rock-hard fruitcake, and curl up in the big comfy chair by the fireplace where the stockings have been hung with such care -- and settle in to read The Worst Noel.
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat
Katz, Molly
¥83.93
The modern woman has enough hassles without having to put up with the antics of the man in her life. Why endure another day of snoring, football, and wet towels on the floorWith this hilarious, fully illustrated guide, learn 101 reasons why you should dump your chump and hook up with a cat! So, besides the fact that your man's just not that into you, can he scratch his ear with his footIs he adorable when he pounces off the fridge onto your shoulderDo you get to watch him nudge another man aside and eat his foodAnd can you improve his mood by tossing a fuzzy mousie for him to chaseOf course not. There; that's four reasons to dump him and get a cat instead! Plus, you never have to remember how your cat takes his coffee. You don't need to pretend to your cat that you haven't had many other cats. And if your cat thinks your friends are hot, so whatFor every woman who's had enough of men, 101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat is the perfect gift—chock-full of humor, inspiration, and great advice. Why look for love in all the wrong places when it's right across the room chasing its own tail?
The Southern Belle's Handbook
The Southern Belle's Handbook
Despres, Loraine
¥55.86
Learn how to navigate life with the effortless savior faire of a true daughter of the South with The Southern Belle's Handbook.Sissy LeBlanc's rules to live by will teach you how to hook, hold on to, and handle any man as well as conquer any personal situation with the poise and confidence of a sophisticated southern stunner.And because every woman possesses her own sassy instincts, you can also record your own rules for unstoppable fabulousness and success.
Get Rich Cheating
Get Rich Cheating
Kreisler, Jeff
¥88.56
In these difficult times, there's only one proven path to ridiculous amounts of money: Cheating. Everyone's doing it from sleazy CEOs to 'roided-up home run kings, silicone-enhanced starlets, and backroom-dealing congressmen so why not youGet Rich Cheating is your definitive guide to the illegal, immoral, and fun, detailing the schemes that have proven time and time again to generate more cash than God, Google, and the Treasury combined. No one ever bought a fleet of Bentleys with hard work, perseverance, and honesty. Simply by purchasing this book, you've already done more than most "ethical" people dare. Open it, savor the moment, and inhale deeply in the musk of your impending wealth it's time to Get Rich Cheating.
Little Pink Raincoat
Little Pink Raincoat
Anders, Gigi
¥84.16
A little Coco Chanel, a lot Carrie Bradshaw, with a dash of Maureen Dowd a hip, hilarious collection of mini-profiles in shopping and romantic courage. From one very fabulous and elusive little pink raincoat (to woo the commitment phobe) to a pair of very persuasive peach panties (gift from a dazzling doc), author Gigi Anders relates her experiences as they deal with her dual obsessions of clothing and men. Here are ten vignettes chronicling ten choice sartorial items and the corresponding boyfriends that would undoubtedly love her stylishly ever after...even if they didn't.Featuring items and boyfriends from Anders's real life, real (extremely jammed) closet, and real bed, Little Pink Raincoat is a very tasty, very funny, universal, uplifting, pop cultural meditation on the things we crave and the lengths we'll go to get them.
NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette
NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette
Pyle, Nathan W.
¥72.71
Living in New York City for five years as a transplant from Ohio, illustrator and T-shirt designer Nathan Pyle was fascinated by the unique habits and unspoken customs New Yorkers follow to make life bearable in a city with 8 million people (and seemingly twice the number of tourists). Nathan decided to draw his favorite tips and etiquette lessons and post them on the internet, where his 12 original panels went viral immediately and became the basis for this hilarious illustrated book (check out the fully animated ebook, too!).In NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette, Pyle reveals the secrets and unwritten rules for living in and visiting New York including the answers to such burning questions as, which cabs should I try to hailWhat is a bodegaWhich way is UptownWhy are there so many doors in the sidewalkHow do I walk on an escalatorDo we need to be touching right nowWhere should I inhale or exhale while passing sidewalk garbageHow long should I honk my hornIf New York were a game show, how would I winWhat happens when I stand in the bike laneWho should get the empty subway seatsHow do I stay safe during a trash tornadoEach tip is a little story illustrated in simple black and white drawings.Visitors and newcomers to New York will love it because the advice is smart, funny, and not condescending. New Yorkers will love it for its strategic and humorous approach to mastering the daily chaos of the city.
How to Be Black
How to Be Black
Thurston, Baratunde
¥83.03
If You Don't Buy This Book, You're a Racist.Have you ever been called "too black" or "not black enough"Have you ever befriended or worked with a black personIf you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is for you.Raised by a pro-black, Pan-Afrikan single mother during the crack years of 1980s Washington, DC, and educated at Sidwell Friends School and Harvard University, Baratunde Thurston has over thirty years' experience being black. Now, through stories of his politically inspired Nigerian name, the heroics of his hippie mother, the murder of his drug-abusing father, and other revelatory black details, he shares with readers of all colors his wisdom and expertise in how to be black.Beyond memoir, this guidebook offers practical advice on everything from "How to Be The Black Friend" to "How to Be The (Next) Black President" to "How to Celebrate Black History Month."To provide additional perspective, Baratunde assembled an award-winning Black Panel three black women, three black men, and one white man (Christian Lander of Stuff White People Like) and asked them such revealing questions as:"When Did You First Realize You Were Black?""How Black Are You?""Can You Swim?"The result is a humorous, intelligent, and audacious guide that challenges and satirizes the so-called experts, purists, and racists who purport to speak for all black people. With honest storytelling and biting wit, Baratunde plots a path not just to blackness, but one open to anyone interested in simply "how to be."
Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth
Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth
Teitell, Beth
¥140.08
Short of spending every waking hour engaged in antiaging treatments, is there anything the average woman can do to shave even a few months from her appearanceDo any of the miracle creams, procedures, or magic potions actually make a person look more youthfulDoes a woman have to worry about her nasolabial folds if she doesn't even know where they're located on her bodyVeteran journalist Beth Teitell aims to find the answers to these questions and many more in her hilarious travels looking for the elusive elixir of youth. If you feel bad about your neck (or any other body part), if the idea of Botox-filled syringes fills you with horror, if you don't want to empty your wallet to pay for $475 serums that promise to cheer up aging skin or the hourly cost of a facial-fitness coach, or if you don't believe the claims of antiaging gummy bears or age-defying bottled water, then Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth is the book for you. There's not a woman in America who won't see herself in Teitell's struggles or come away feeling that the enormous amount of energy, time, and money we spend trying to restore our bodies to the way they were when we were twenty could be better spent elsewhere. With honesty, outrage, and wit, Teitell goes deep into the youth-at-any-cost culture and takes it apart from the inside out. And then she reassures us that there is hope there are things we can do to look and feel younger, and ways we can learn to stop worrying about looking older.Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth is for every woman who isn't as young as she used to be a book of wisdom and advice, and a laugh-out-loud look at our age-obsessed culture.
My Drunk Kitchen
My Drunk Kitchen
Hart, Hannah
¥129.07
One day, sad cubicle dweller and otherwise bored New York transplant Hannah Hart decided, as a joke, to make a fake cooking show for her friend back in California. She turned on the camera, pulled out some bread and cheese, and then, as one does, started drinking. (Doesn't everyone cook with a spoon in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other?) The video went viral and an online sensation was born. My Drunk Kitchen includes recipes, stories, full color photos, and drawings to inspire your own culinary adventures in tipsy cooking. It is also a showcase for Hannah Hart's great comedic voice. Hannah offers key drink recommendations, cooking tips (like, remember to turn the oven off when you go to bed) and shares never-before-seen recipes such as: ?The Hartwich (Knowledge is ingenuity! Learn from the past!) ?Can Bake (Inventing things is hard! You don't have to start from scratch!) ?Latke Shotkas (Plan ahead to avoid a night of dread!) ?Tiny Sandwiches (Size doesn't matter! Aim to satisfy.) ?Saltine Nachos (It's not about resources! It's about being resourceful.) This is a book for anyone who believes they have what it takes to make a soufflé for the holiday party and show up the person who apparently has nothing better to do than bake things from scratch. It also recommends the drink you'll need to accompany any endeavor of this magnitude. In the end, My Drunk Kitchen may not be your go-to guide for your next dinner party . . . but it will make you laugh and drink . . . I mean think . . . about life.
The Best Thing About My Ass Is That It's Behind Me
The Best Thing About My Ass Is That It's Behind Me
Walter, Lisa Ann
¥145.49
Follow one woman's bumpy, cellulite-riddled ride through size-0 Hollywood and learn how she went from body-dysmorphic to sassy-asstastic in only twenty-five short years of dieting, thousands of dollars in "procedures,". . . and one pair of industrial-strength Spanx.From the best girlfriend you didn't know you had comes this "I Can't Believe She Said That" guide to life in the real world. Actress and comic Lisa Ann Walter dishes about parenthood and the dangers of girl-on-girl snarking, explains why skinny actresses act crazy, and gives riotous advice on everything from the dating mistakes we all make to ten things you should subtract when you weigh yourself (self-tanner and dental work, for starters . . .).So what do you get when you drop a longtime self-loather into the glitz and glamour of HollywoodThis hysterical, and brutally honest, look at the impossible standard of perfection for which so many of us strive. Walter boldly shares her lifelong struggle with low self-esteem which, in her case, includes plenty of painful auditions, failed relationships, and awkward celebrity encounters, plus lots of impossible diets, questionable injectables, and dubious cosmetic procedures. Along the way, the "celebrity adjacent" Walter also tells her sometimes warm, often cringeworthy, and always funny Hollywood stories (including the reason she'd kill for Richard Gere). She also shares her sage advice by offering features such as ways to improve your self-esteem that won't cost you a dime:Four words:Push-up. Bra. Construction. Site. You don't even have to look good to get a response. Just wear sunglasses, square your shoulders, and toss your hair. Then count the whistles.Start frequenting your local gay bar. Both gays and lesbians are much more effusive about how fabulous you are! And you'll get free drinks! Always be seen with decrepit old men you'll look young and beautiful in comparison. Think how well this works for those Girls Next Door.
Daddy, Stop Talking!
Daddy, Stop Talking!
Carolla, Adam
¥94.10
Last Will & Testament of Adam CarollaI, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article II appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article IITo my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids.Article IIII devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."
Imponderables
Imponderables
Feldman, David
¥72.01
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?Which fruits are in Juicy Fruit gumWhy do people cry at happy endings?Why do you never see baby pigeons?Pop-culture guru David Feldman demystifies these topics and so much more in Why Don't Cats Like to Swim-- the unchallenged source of answers to civilization's most perplexing questions. Part of the Imponderables series, Feldman's book arms readers with information about everyday life -- from science, history, and politics to sports, television, and radio -- that encyclopedias, dictionaries, and almanacs just don't have. Where else will you learn what makes women open their mouths when applying mascara?
Landscapes in Watercolour (Collins 30-Minute Painting)
Landscapes in Watercolour (Collins 30-Minute Painting)
Paul Talbot-Greaves
¥57.00
This practical and inspirational guide, in a handy sketchbook format, is aimed at the practised beginner and shows how to achieve successful watercolour landscapes in just 30 minutes – ideal for the busy amateur artist who doesn't have much time to paint. Many people think they don't have enough time to paint, but in this attractive guide Paul Talbot-Greaves encourages quick and simple painting. By working with just a few materials and focusing on the key techniques it is possible to achieve successful, realistic landscape paintings in no more than half an hour. And for those artists who already have a little painting experience, learning to work more quickly enables them to free up their style and paint more spontaneously. All the key topics are covered, from watercolour techniques, colour and tone to learning about creating distance, composing pictures and selecting scenes.
The World of Karl Pilkington
The World of Karl Pilkington
Karl Pilkington,Stephen Merchant,Ricky Gervais
¥70.44
A collection of the best moments from the ‘Ricky Gervais Show’ with further musings from Karl Pilkington, star of Sky 1’s ‘An Idiot Abroad’. Karl Pilkington, the Confucian-like savant of the ‘Ricky Gervais Show’, has led an extraordinary and curiously individual life. As a kid growing up in Manchester he regularly missed school to accompany his parents on caravanning holidays and left without collecting his exam results: his family weaned him well. Pilkington’s is a brilliant mind, locked inside a perfectly round head, and uncluttered by the unhelpful constraints of logic or common sense; factors that have led him to such dazzling insights as ‘you never see old men eating Twix bars’ or that the ‘Diary of Anne Frank’ was ‘an Adrian Mole sort of thing’. In this pithy and hilarious book, Karl is in conversation with (the often bewildered) Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, the writers and stars of ‘The Office’ and ‘Extras’, outwitting even these comedy Goliaths with his take on such contentious issues as charity, the lack of Chinese homeless people, reincarnation, the rights of monkeys and favourite superpowers. Featuring Karl's original illustrations, imaginative scribblings, full-colour pictures sent in by fans, and the best conversations of the first twelve podcasts, this is a unique trip into the world of one of our most innovative thinkers, visionaries and prophets, or as Gervais and Merchant know him, ‘the funniest man alive in Britain today’.
We’re British, Innit: An Irreverent A to Z of All Things British
We’re British, Innit: An Irreverent A to Z of All Things British
Iain Aitch
¥63.18
Forget the Government's Citizenship Test – this is the real measure of Britishness. With a wealth of brand-new material that will bring a smile of recognition to even the stiffest of upper lips, Iain Aitch brings us even more explorations of innate Britishness. Continuing in the snappy A-Z format, Iain Aitch brings us all things uniquely British, whether it's our love of fish and chips, our high regard for James Bond or the red telephone box, everything you've ever regarded as being inimitably British is contained within these pages. Test your knowledge of Britain and what it means to be British by answering the multiple choice questions at the end of the book. What kind of peas are used to make mushy peas? What were the last words of Admiral Lord Nelson? What exactly is Readers' Wives? Were you paying attention? With more style than Jarvis Cocker's moves and more pomp than Elgar's masterpiece, this is a celebration of all that is truly glorious about good old Blighty. A book for the entire British population - Northerner, Southerner, and even tourist and immigrant alike - this is the perfect read for someone seeking a truly British experience.
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa: Script (and Scrapped)
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa: Script (and Scrapped)
Steve Coogan,Rob Gibbons,Neil Gibbons
¥95.75
The official * for the box-office smash movie, featuring every ruddy word (and stage direction) of Alan’s seamless transformation from natural-born broadcaster into fully fledged and occasionally fully dressed hostage negotiator. Contains deleted scenes and an exclusive Foreword by Steve Coogan. With a television career behind him and a much-coveted breakfast slot in his spiritual home, regional digital radio, there was only one place left for Alan Partridge to turn: Hollywood! Or rather, an Anglo-French funded co-production for the big screen. Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa sees Alan face his biggest challenge since he spent six months in a travel tavern, and is almost certainly the first time he has handled a loaded gun since he was a prime-time BBC2 presenter. When his beloved income-source North Norfolk Digital is taken over by a faceless media conglomerate, Alan’s inimitable instinct for self-preservation leads to a violent and bloody siege on the radio station by an unhinged, nay mentalist, DJ, and a hostage crisis for which there can be only one man with the chat to diffuse it … Featuring a cast of old and new Partridge favourites, including Sidekick Simon, assistant Lynn and Michael the Geordie, Alpha Papa is proof that while the jury’s out on whether you can keep a good man down, it’s an outright fact that you can’t keep a good regional broadcaster off the airwaves.
About Writing and How to Publish
About Writing and How to Publish
Cathy Glass
¥44.93
Drawing on years of experience, and thousands of readers comments and reviews of her writing, Cathy Glass provides a clear and concise, practical guide on writing and the best ways to get published. Bestselling author Cathy Glass has written and published 18 books, sold over 1.5 million copies worldwide, and had no 1 bestsellers in both the UK and the US. In that time she has received thousands of emails from readers asking for her help and advice on writing and being published. This book details how to achieve both. Divided into four sections, Cathy guides you through the entire process, from composing your first paragraph to seeing your book in print. Topics include: ? Making the time to write ? Planning, revising and editing your writing ? Different types of writing and genres ? Finding an agent and publisher ? How to self-publish ? Promoting your work so it is a success Clear, concise and packed full of practical tips, About Writing is an invaluable guide for all aspiring writers.
It Is Just You, Everything’s Not Shit
It Is Just You, Everything’s Not Shit
Steve Stack
¥73.58
The Optimist’s Encyclopedia. In this A-Z of all things nice, Steve Stack takes the reader on an alphabetical tour of the good things in life. Trivial things such as dunking biscuits, drawing pictures in steamed up windows and the sound jelly makes. Big important things like falling in love, Nobel Peace Prize winners and the Internet. And pretty much everything in between from Lego to the shipping forecast, popping bubble wrap to meerkats with guest appearances from Sir David Attenborough, Oliver Postgate, Columbo and The Flaming Lips. It Is Just You, Everything’s Not Shit is the perfect gift for the cynic in your life. It will cheer up even the most miserable of old gits.
Clips From A Life
Clips From A Life
Denis Norden
¥72.40
Classic stills from the life of one of Britain's most cherished entertainers. This is the extraordinary life story of comic legend Denis Norden, told in momentary snapshots by the master British comedian himself. Containing reminiscences of a career stretching back to the golden age of the radio, through the heyday of cinema and the early pioneering days of television comedy, ‘Clips From a Life’ showcases Denis Norden's creative genius at its very best. Told with Denis' hallmark flashes of brilliant humour and sharp observation, the extraordinary life of this enduring humorist is unravelled through his private recollections of the ways things used to be, back then. Denis' school-day musings, dry witticisms, and old-time sayings unearthed from days gone by, combined with remembrances of collaborations with famous figures of the day, from Eric Sykes to Bill Fraser, will sweep you back instantaneously to the magical gags, lively characters and laughter of the past. Flitting between Denis' East End childhood and early career in Variety as a cinema manager for the Hyams Brothers, to his post-war work as a *writer on the groundbreaking radio shows ‘Take It From Here’ and ‘In All Directions’, to the phenomenally successful television comedy ‘Whack-O!’ (all written with long-term collaborator Frank Muir), to his years as a solo writer, performer, and presenter on programmes such as the much-loved ‘It'll Be Alright on the Night’, it is easy to see how Denis' comic appeal has endured for decades, to make him one of the greatest British writers and performers to date. Brimming with Denis's unique wit and personal warmth, this is a rich and compelling mix of anecdote and autobiography from a very special entertainer.
The Perils of the Pushy Parents: A Cautionary Tale
The Perils of the Pushy Parents: A Cautionary Tale
Boris Johnson
¥63.37
Written and illustrated by Boris Johnson The nicest kids you ever saw Were Jim and Molly Albacore… Alas for Molly and Jim, Their lives were not entirely cushy: Their parents were so very pushy. Mr and Mrs Albacore will do anything to get their offspring to the top of the pile. Father reads great literary works to them before they are even born, and puts them down for MENSA at five, Mother is not content unless her darlings are the star of every show. Molly and Jim, however, are happiest eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watching telly. In this very funny book, Boris Johnson issues a verse warning to all pushy parents… if you push your children far enough they may push back, with dire consequences. Illustrated with delightful line drawings by the author.
Complete Artist’s Manual
Complete Artist’s Manual
Simon Jennings
¥114.48
The definitive artist’s reference guide and comprehensive sourcebook of art materials and painting techniques, now available in a modern paperback edition. The Complete Artist’s Manual covers all the elements of painting and drawing from materials to techniques, colour composition and media – the ultimate artist’s bible. In addition, it contains a structured painting course with simple exercises developing into more advanced projects, with demonstrations by well-known practising artists who share their experience and expertise with the reader. Contents includes; Supports Drawing and painting media Drawing and sketching Painting techniques Colour and composition What to paint – getting started The artist’s studio Glossary and directory The Complete Artist’s Manual is visually rich and exciting, practical and comprehensive – no artist’s studio should be without it.