万本电子书0元读

万本电子书0元读

It's Not Easy Bein' Me
It's Not Easy Bein' Me
Dangerfield, Rodney
¥77.49
An American comic icon tells the story of his second act rise from obscurity to multimedia stardom. "When I was a kid," writes Rodney Dangerfield, "I worked tough places in show business places like Fonzo's Knuckle Room. Or Aldo's, formerly Vito's, formerly Nunzio's. That was a tough joint. I looked at the menu. They had broken leg of lamb." For once, one of America's most beloved comic icons isn't kidding. Dangerfield has seen every aspect of the entertainment industry: the rough and tumble nightclubs, the backstage gag writing sessions, the drugs, the hookers, the lousy day jobs and the red carpet star treatment. As he traces his route from a poor childhood on Long Island to his enshrinement as a comedy legend, he takes readers on a roller coaster ride through a life that has been alternately touching, sordid, funny, raunchy, and uplifting equal parts "Little Orphan Annie" and "Caligula." And unlike most celebrity autobiographers, he seems to have no qualms about delivering the unfiltered whole story, warts and all. Dangerfield's personal story is also a rollicking show business tale, full of marquee name droppings (Adam Sandler, Sam Kinison, Jim Carrey, Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld) and good stories about same. Defying the old saws about the fleeting nature of fame and the dearth of second acts in American life, Dangerfield transformed himself from a debt ridden aluminium siding salesman named Jack Roy to a multimedia superstar and stayed an icon for decades. His catchphrase "I get no respect" has entered the lexicon, and he remains a visible cultural presence and perennial talk show guest. Dangerfield's hilarious and inspiring musings should thrill comedy fans and pop culture watchers, and his second act comeback will strike a chord with readers of all stripes. Maybe he'll even get some respect.
How Paul Robeson Saved My Life and Other Stories
How Paul Robeson Saved My Life and Other Stories
Reiner, Carl
¥56.15
Carl Reiner has been making people laugh since the days of The Dick Van Dyke Show. His showbiz bits with Mel Brooks about the 2000 Year Old Man have become the stuff of comedy legend. Jerry Seinfeld, Alan Alda, Neil Simon, Steve Allen, and Richard Lewis were all bowled over by the comic genius of The 2000 Year Old Man in the Year 2000: The Book. Now, in his wonderful new book, Carl Reiner shows off the talent and humor that have made him a comedic superstar.Filled with rich, multidimensional tales, this collection of short stories from one of America's truly great comedic minds is at once poignant, nostalgic, and laugh-out-loud funny. "How Paul Robeson Saved My Life." the story of Reiner's experiences in the army during World War II, is a darkly funny look at racism. "Lance and Gwendolyn" is a modern-day fairy tale with some surprising twists. "Dial 411 for Legal Smut" is a tongue-in-cheek look at phone sex. Whatever topic he tackles, Reiner always manages to capture the highs and lows, the follies and foibles of everyday life.
The Worst Noel
The Worst Noel
Collected Authors of the Worst Noel
¥83.93
Does the thought of mistletoe give you hivesDoes the sound of jingling bellsinstill fear in your heartDo you hide under the covers from the day after Thanksgiving till New Year's DayAnd even if you love Christmas, do thehyperconsumerism, overindulgence, andtinsel-covered everything make you crazy?If you said yes to any of these questions, this is the book for you. You are not alone. Everyone has a Christmas-nightmare story to tell. Some of the best writers around have gone through some of the worst Christmases ever. Their tales of holly-draped horror are gathered here for your amusement, from NEAL POLLACK's Christmas-ham disaster to the accidental Santahood of JONI RODGERS to BINNIE KIRSHENBAUM's receiving what may be the worst gift ever given. And Stanley Bing gives us a peek at the lonely guy's Xmas feast. All this, plus many more recollections of Worst Noels past.So pour yourself a glass of eggnog, chisel off a piece of rock-hard fruitcake, and curl up in the big comfy chair by the fireplace where the stockings have been hung with such care -- and settle in to read The Worst Noel.
Damage Control
Damage Control
Forrest, Emma
¥78.32
Traditionally, women share their secrets with their hairdressers. But what about their manicurists, masseurs, chi gong teachers, and tattoo artistsIn Damage Control, women wax poetic about the experts and gurus who help them love themselves, sharing stories of everything from friendships born in the make-up chair to the utter dismay of a truly horrible haircut. Minnie Driver finally meets a Frenchman who understands her hair . . . and tries to teach her not to hate it.Marian Keyes remembers the blow-dry that pushed her over the edge.Francesca Lia Block tells the ugly story of the plastic surgeon who promised to make her beautiful.Rose McGowan explains why it's harder to be depressed when you're glamorous . . . and shows how it takes a village to transform from mere mortal to movie star.Witty and wise, Damage Control is an intimate, sometimes dark, look at our experiences with the professionals who pluck, prod, and pamper every inch of our bodies and a reminder why we surrender ourselves to their (hopefully) very capable hands.
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat
Katz, Molly
¥83.93
The modern woman has enough hassles without having to put up with the antics of the man in her life. Why endure another day of snoring, football, and wet towels on the floorWith this hilarious, fully illustrated guide, learn 101 reasons why you should dump your chump and hook up with a cat! So, besides the fact that your man's just not that into you, can he scratch his ear with his footIs he adorable when he pounces off the fridge onto your shoulderDo you get to watch him nudge another man aside and eat his foodAnd can you improve his mood by tossing a fuzzy mousie for him to chaseOf course not. There; that's four reasons to dump him and get a cat instead! Plus, you never have to remember how your cat takes his coffee. You don't need to pretend to your cat that you haven't had many other cats. And if your cat thinks your friends are hot, so whatFor every woman who's had enough of men, 101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat is the perfect gift—chock-full of humor, inspiration, and great advice. Why look for love in all the wrong places when it's right across the room chasing its own tail?
Daddy, Stop Talking!
Daddy, Stop Talking!
Carolla, Adam
¥94.10
Last Will & Testament of Adam CarollaI, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article II appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article IITo my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids.Article IIII devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."
Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth
Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth
Teitell, Beth
¥140.08
Short of spending every waking hour engaged in antiaging treatments, is there anything the average woman can do to shave even a few months from her appearanceDo any of the miracle creams, procedures, or magic potions actually make a person look more youthfulDoes a woman have to worry about her nasolabial folds if she doesn't even know where they're located on her bodyVeteran journalist Beth Teitell aims to find the answers to these questions and many more in her hilarious travels looking for the elusive elixir of youth. If you feel bad about your neck (or any other body part), if the idea of Botox-filled syringes fills you with horror, if you don't want to empty your wallet to pay for $475 serums that promise to cheer up aging skin or the hourly cost of a facial-fitness coach, or if you don't believe the claims of antiaging gummy bears or age-defying bottled water, then Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth is the book for you. There's not a woman in America who won't see herself in Teitell's struggles or come away feeling that the enormous amount of energy, time, and money we spend trying to restore our bodies to the way they were when we were twenty could be better spent elsewhere. With honesty, outrage, and wit, Teitell goes deep into the youth-at-any-cost culture and takes it apart from the inside out. And then she reassures us that there is hope there are things we can do to look and feel younger, and ways we can learn to stop worrying about looking older.Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth is for every woman who isn't as young as she used to be a book of wisdom and advice, and a laugh-out-loud look at our age-obsessed culture.
President Me
President Me
Carolla, Adam
¥88.56
My fellow Americans,President John F. Kennedy once famously said, "Hey, is that blond intern eighteen yet?" He also said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."We've changed a lot since JFK asked us all to pitch in. We've become a nation of narcissistic, yoga-mat-toting, service-dog-having, absentee dads and gluten-free, hand-wringing, hypochondriac moms of overcaffeinated (yet somehow still lazy) twerking tweens. And our government is an inept bureaucracy incapable of doing anything except getting in our wallets and in our way. We've got to get it together, America.That is why I, Adam Carolla, hereby declare myself Candidate Carolla. The tome you hold in your hands is a statement of my intent to whip our country back into fighting shape, to eliminate the "what are you going to do for me?" mentality that has invaded our country.President Me is my manifesto, my vision for a better place . . . free of Big Government, barefoot fliers, lazy hipsters who'd rather "Occupy" than work, and the other things that are bringing our country down. With my cabinet appointees, my list of worthy and necessary presidential ManDates, and tons of great ideas for fixing our health care, education, energy, and even national parks systems . . . behold an America we can be proud of. The America I see in my head.You're welcome in advance.Your future leader,Adam
The Best Thing About My Ass Is That It's Behind Me
The Best Thing About My Ass Is That It's Behind Me
Walter, Lisa Ann
¥145.49
Follow one woman's bumpy, cellulite-riddled ride through size-0 Hollywood and learn how she went from body-dysmorphic to sassy-asstastic in only twenty-five short years of dieting, thousands of dollars in "procedures,". . . and one pair of industrial-strength Spanx.From the best girlfriend you didn't know you had comes this "I Can't Believe She Said That" guide to life in the real world. Actress and comic Lisa Ann Walter dishes about parenthood and the dangers of girl-on-girl snarking, explains why skinny actresses act crazy, and gives riotous advice on everything from the dating mistakes we all make to ten things you should subtract when you weigh yourself (self-tanner and dental work, for starters . . .).So what do you get when you drop a longtime self-loather into the glitz and glamour of HollywoodThis hysterical, and brutally honest, look at the impossible standard of perfection for which so many of us strive. Walter boldly shares her lifelong struggle with low self-esteem which, in her case, includes plenty of painful auditions, failed relationships, and awkward celebrity encounters, plus lots of impossible diets, questionable injectables, and dubious cosmetic procedures. Along the way, the "celebrity adjacent" Walter also tells her sometimes warm, often cringeworthy, and always funny Hollywood stories (including the reason she'd kill for Richard Gere). She also shares her sage advice by offering features such as ways to improve your self-esteem that won't cost you a dime:Four words:Push-up. Bra. Construction. Site. You don't even have to look good to get a response. Just wear sunglasses, square your shoulders, and toss your hair. Then count the whistles.Start frequenting your local gay bar. Both gays and lesbians are much more effusive about how fabulous you are! And you'll get free drinks! Always be seen with decrepit old men you'll look young and beautiful in comparison. Think how well this works for those Girls Next Door.
Red, White & Liberal
Red, White & Liberal
Colmes, Alan
¥83.93
As one of the foremost liberal voices in television and radio today, Alan Colmes has long been braving the wilds of controversial issues and conservative slander. The host of the talk-radio show Fox News Live with Alan Colmes and cohost of Fox News Channel's hit debate show Hannity Colmes, Colmes now offers this witty, passionate wake-up call to America.Colmes takes on the fundamental question: How can we protect our nation without diminishing our liberties, and regain our place in the world as an example of democracyColmes urges Americans to see past the government's manipulation of the War on Terror to silence critics; the lies we've been force-fed about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan; and the conservative smear campaign that has turned "liberal" into a four-letter word. From debunking the myth of the liberal media to exposing conservative hypocrisy, Colmes presents the issues with thoughtful, provocative arguments, hard facts and logic, and searing humor.Certain to spark debate and cause readers to reevaluate and reaffirm their beliefs, Red, White Liberal powerfully argues that despite our differences, we must extend our hands across party lines to find solutions, protect our shores, and preserve our freedoms.
Get Rich Cheating
Get Rich Cheating
Kreisler, Jeff
¥88.56
In these difficult times, there's only one proven path to ridiculous amounts of money: Cheating. Everyone's doing it from sleazy CEOs to 'roided-up home run kings, silicone-enhanced starlets, and backroom-dealing congressmen so why not youGet Rich Cheating is your definitive guide to the illegal, immoral, and fun, detailing the schemes that have proven time and time again to generate more cash than God, Google, and the Treasury combined. No one ever bought a fleet of Bentleys with hard work, perseverance, and honesty. Simply by purchasing this book, you've already done more than most "ethical" people dare. Open it, savor the moment, and inhale deeply in the musk of your impending wealth it's time to Get Rich Cheating.
How to Be Black
How to Be Black
Thurston, Baratunde
¥83.03
If You Don't Buy This Book, You're a Racist.Have you ever been called "too black" or "not black enough"Have you ever befriended or worked with a black personIf you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is for you.Raised by a pro-black, Pan-Afrikan single mother during the crack years of 1980s Washington, DC, and educated at Sidwell Friends School and Harvard University, Baratunde Thurston has over thirty years' experience being black. Now, through stories of his politically inspired Nigerian name, the heroics of his hippie mother, the murder of his drug-abusing father, and other revelatory black details, he shares with readers of all colors his wisdom and expertise in how to be black.Beyond memoir, this guidebook offers practical advice on everything from "How to Be The Black Friend" to "How to Be The (Next) Black President" to "How to Celebrate Black History Month."To provide additional perspective, Baratunde assembled an award-winning Black Panel three black women, three black men, and one white man (Christian Lander of Stuff White People Like) and asked them such revealing questions as:"When Did You First Realize You Were Black?""How Black Are You?""Can You Swim?"The result is a humorous, intelligent, and audacious guide that challenges and satirizes the so-called experts, purists, and racists who purport to speak for all black people. With honest storytelling and biting wit, Baratunde plots a path not just to blackness, but one open to anyone interested in simply "how to be."
How Not to Act Old
How Not to Act Old
Satran, Pamela Redmond
¥83.03
How to be cool when you're afraid you've forgotten how . . . Sure, you can try to stay younger by exercising, coloring your hair, and wearing stylish clothes but how do you respond when someone asks, "Do you Twitter?" How Not to Act Old gives you simple ways to come back from over the hill and to act as young as you look.Covering everything from old-people entertainment (cancel that dinner party!) to old-people communication (it's called a "voice mail," not a "message," and no one leaves or listens to them anyway), Pamela Redmond Satran decodes the behaviors, viewpoints, and cultural touchstones that separate you from the hip young person you wish you still were. This irreverent guide is essential for anyone who doesn't want to embarrass their kids or themselves.
More Mirth of a Nation
More Mirth of a Nation
Rosen, Michael J.
¥95.52
More seriously funny writing from American's most trusted humor anthology Witty, wise, and just plain wonderful, the inaugural volume of this biennial, Mirth of a Nation, ensured a place for the best contemporary humor writing in the country. And with this second treasury, Michael J. Rosen has once again assembled a triumphant salute to one of America's greatest assets: its sense of humor. More than five dozen acclaimed authors showcase their hilariously inventive works, including Paul Rudnick, Henry Alford, Susan McCarthy, Media Person Lewis Grossberger, Ian Frazier, Richard Bausch, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Nell Scovell, Andy Borowitz, and Ben Greenman -- just to mention a handful so that the other contributors can justify their feelings that the world slights them. But there's more! More Mirth of a Nation includes scads of Unnatural Histories from Randy Cohen, Will Durst's "Top Top-100 Lists" (including the top 100 colors, foods, and body parts), and three unabridged (albeit rather short) chapbooks: David Bader's "How to Meditate Faster" (Enlightenment for those who keep asking, "Are we done yet?") Matt Neuman's "49 Simple Things You Can Do to Save the Earth" (for instance, "Make your own honey" and "Share your shower.") Francis Heaney's "Holy Tango of Poetry" (which answers the question, "What if poets wrote poems whose titles were anagrams of their names, i.e., 'Toilets,' by T. S. Eliot?") And there's still more: "The Periodic Table of Rejected Elements," meaningless fables, Van Gogh's Etch A Sketch drawings, a Zagat's survey of existence, an international baby-naming encyclopedia, Aristotle's long-lost treatise "On Baseball," and an unhealthy selection of letters from Dr. Science's mailbag. And that's just for starters! Just remember, as one reviewer wrote of the first volume, "Don't drink milk while reading."
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Bobby Henderson
¥87.51
It all began in June 2005 when Bobby Henderson wrote an open letter to the Kansas School Board proposing a third alternative to the teaching of evolution and intelligent design in schools. Bobby is a prophet of sorts, the spiritual leader of a growing, world-wide group of followers who worship the teachings of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM). The FSM appeared to Bobby as a giant ball of spaghetti, with meatballs for eyes, and touched Bobby with “His noodly appendage” – resulting in the revelation that the FSM is the real creator of the universe. The FSM faithful look to Bobby as their prophet and spiritual leader. Shortly after Bobby’s revelation a website (www.flyingspaghettimonster.org) came into existence to promote the word. Then came the articles, which were worldwide: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian (UK), Die Welt (Germany), Surprise (Austria), and many others chimed in to report the existence of the FSM. Bobby received letters of support from academics and Kansas School Board members alike – not to mention a couple million hits per day on the website – and it was all-too-clear that there needed to be a book to lay out FSM *ure, rites and observances, proofs, and answers to the Big Questions. This is that book.
Last of the Summer Wine (The Best of British Comedy)
Last of the Summer Wine (The Best of British Comedy)
Richard Webber
¥50.62
Compo: I thought you'd be open. Sid: Well that's a natural assumption if you ignore the drawn blinds and the forty foot sign that says closed. Set and filmed in and around Holmfirth, West Yorkshire, Last of the Summer Wine follows the adventures of three quirky pensioners and their equally unusual neighbours. A true British classic that appeals to all generations, it is our nation's longest running comedy programme. The line-up of the comedy trio has changed numerous times over the years, but the calibre of the family-friendly humour Roy Clarke creates has remained the same, and it's as funny and eccentric now as it was in the first episodes he wrote over 25 years ago. Including the pilot, broadcast ten months before the first series, 29 series, made up of 279 episodes, have been screened to date, with the 30th series set to air this autumn. The sitcom has consistently been a favourite in the ratings, with viewing figures peaking at 18.8 million in the mid-eighties. Famous fans include Prince Charles, the Queen Mother and the Queen, who said it was her favourite TV show. The Best of British Comedy - Last of the Summer Wine includes: ”? The History: an overview of how Last of the Summer Wine was born and developed ”? Gags and Catchphrases: a collection of classic quotes ”? Did You Know?: snippets of info about the show, cast, etc. ”? Favourite scenes: the most memorable scenes in full ”? A LOSW quiz 'If God's omnipotent, what could he possibly want with my old woman?' Clegg Compo: Your old lady's dog is crapping all over the pavement. Blamire: That's funny. He usually sews it up in little bags and sends it by post.
The Little Book of Calorie Burning
The Little Book of Calorie Burning
Gill Paul
¥31.59
A quirky guide to counting the calories as they come off, through ways you may never have considered possible Exactly how long would you have to kiss in order to burn off a bottle of beer? Or how long would you have to argue with someone to burn off a Mars bar? From playing ping-pong to having sex (at different levels of intensity!), this little guide contains over 100 activities and their calorie-burning powers. For instance, have you ever thought about the calories you burn simply by eating and digesting? Activities are arranged A-Z and show the calories burned for four different weights (yes, sadly the heavier you are, the more calories you’ll burn even when asleep). Each entry also gives an example food, telling you how long you must do that activity to burn it off.
May Martin’s Sewing Bible: 40 years of tips and tricks
May Martin’s Sewing Bible: 40 years of tips and tricks
May Martin
¥184.23
Star of the Great British Sewing Bee and doyenne of the Women’s Institute, May Martin has been teaching sewing for over 40 years. Now for the first time she shares her tips and tricks, offering the ultimate beginners’ guide to sewing. Beautifully styled and simple-to-follow, this authoritative sewing bible gives readers information on everything they need to know to get started with sewing. Providing all the essential background information on sewing, setting up your sewing space and detailed lists of all the equipment you’ll need; step-by-step instructions for over 40 projects; and a wealth of general sewing tips and techniques to help you finally master overlocking, seams, fastenings, hemming and much much more, with this book May will simplify all the skills and terms you need, demystify sewing and inspire you to unpack your sewing machine and have a go. It contains over 40 beautiful projects, including crafts, accessories, womenswear, kidswear, menswear and home furnishings. With a range of difficulties for each category – from super-easy but stylish ideas to get even the most nervous sewers started to more elaborate ideas for the aspiring sewer looking for a challenge.
Life Moves Pretty Fast
Life Moves Pretty Fast
Hadley Freeman
¥66.22
Hadley Freeman brings us her personalised guide to American movies from the 1980s – why they are brilliant, what they meant to her, and how they influenced movie-making forever. For Hadley Freeman, American moves of the 1980s have simply got it all. Comedy in Three Men and a Baby, Hannah and Her Sisters, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Trading Places; all a teenager needs to know – in Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Say Anything, The Breakfast Club and Mystic Pizza; the ultimate in action – Top Gun, Die Hard, Young Sherlock Holmes, Beverly Hills Cop and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; love and sex – in 9 ? Weeks, Splash, About Last Night, The Big Chill, Bull Durham; and family fun – in The Little Mermaid, ET, Big, Parenthood and Lean On Me. Born in the late 1970s, Hadley grew up on a well-rounded diet of these movies, her entire view of the world, adult relations and expectations of what her life might hold was forged by these cult classics. In this personalised guide, she puts her obsessive movie geekery to good use, detailing the decades key players, genres and tropes, and how exactly the friendship between Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi influenced the evolution of comedy. She looks back to a cinematic world in which bankers are invariably evil, despite this being the decade of Wall Street, where children are always wiser than adults, and science is embraced with an intense enthusiasm, and the future viewed with excitement. She considers how the changes between movies then and movies today say so much about pop culture’s and society’s changing expectations of women, young people and art, and explains why Pretty in Pink and Sixteen Candles should be put on school syllabuses immediately.
Painting Expressive Watercolours
Painting Expressive Watercolours
Mike Chaplin,Diana Vowles
¥82.31
Mike Chaplin is one of the most popular art experts on the very successful Channel 4 series Watercolour Challenge. In this book he reveals how he works and puts forward his ideas and teaching methods, offering plenty of tips and practical advice for the amateur artist. This book is intended for artists with some painting experience who wish to develop their technique, style and outlook. It is a book to make them think and to push the technical and personal boundaries of what they believe they can achieve in paint. Mike’s teaching focuses not only on techniques but also on expanding the readers’ approach to their painting as a whole. Starting with a fascinating look at the development of watercolour as an expressive art, the book then covers selective techniques, both traditional and the more unusual, and topics such as observation, drawing, colour and composition. All kinds of painting subjects are included, from the natural landscape to urban scenes, and throughout the book Mike provides plenty of practical advice and useful tips about techniques. There are also a number of special features, focusing on particular aspects of painting, as well as several full step-by-step demonstration paintings.
Digital SLR Handbook
Digital SLR Handbook
John Freeman
¥125.18
This is the definitive practical guide to getting the most out of your digital SLR camera, written by top working photographer, John Freeman. Full of inspiring photography and professional tips, it is ideal for all keen amateur photographers and those aspiring to move over from using a traditional film SLR camera. The digital single lens reflex (DSLR) camera is now the must-have camera for all serious amateur photographers. Whether you already own one or are thinking of making the move from a point-and-shoot digital camera or a film SLR, this practical guide will provide all the help, advice and inspiration you need. Chapters include: understanding the DSLR system, seeing the picture, photographing landscapes, nature, people, architecture, still life, action, getting more from your DSLR and post-production techniques.
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