He's huge and hairy and hulking. He dresses in strange furry clothing. He sneaks into people's homes at night.Who wouldn't be afraid of . . . Santa Claus?!Nothing says Christmas quite like innocent children shrieking with terror as a stranger dressed in red drags them kicking and screaming onto his lap. Now this time-honored rite of passage is celebrated with a hilarious collection of more than two hundred and fifty priceless photos of kids' traumatic trips to Santa's workshop. Scared of Santa offers a cornucopia of photographic funnies from sixty-year-old family heirlooms to last year's howlers along with delightful commentary on those unforgettable childhood visits to scary ol' Saint Nick.

Welcome to basic training, soldier.Now meet your worst nightmare . . . your drill sergeant.Even if you've never served in the military, you know the drill sergeant. The mere sight of his fatigues and the iconic "Round Brown" campaign hat strikes fear into the bravest of hearts. Drill sergeants inflict pain, demand discipline, and aren't afraid of power, aggression, and using fear as a motivational tool. But unless you've witnessed one firsthand with your face in the mud doing pushups, you might not know one other fact . . . drill sergeants are some of the FUNNIEST people on the planet!After his deployment in Afghanistan, Dan Caddy began swapping great drill sergeant stories by e-mail and social media with other veterans. Now, in Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said, Caddy shares the best-of-the-best quotes, one-liners, stories, and top-ten lists proving once and for all that drill sergeants are the world's most underrated comedians and philosophers. If you have ever suffered a hard-ass manager (in uniform or not), these often profane, sometimes profound, yet always entertaining rants from real life soldiers will add a much-needed dose of humor to your day. Now stop laughing and drop and give me fifty.

If anything, in this presidential election special, he's madder than ever!In his earlier bestseller, There's Nothing in the Middle of the Road but Yellow Stripes and Dead Armadillos, Hightower only began to tap into the deep yearning that Americans have for a new politics that speaks to them from a real-world, kitchen-table perspective. Now, with the year 2000 being an especially significant marker for contemplating our country's direction, not only for the new year but for the new century and the new millennium, it's time for citizens to reclaim their political, economic, and cultural heritage.Leading the way with his hilariously irreverent yet profoundly serious book is our name-naming, podium-pounding, point-them-in-the-right-direction populist, Hightower himself. He whacks conventional wisdom right upside the head,showing,with startling facts and compelling personal stories, that despite a so-called period of prosperity, America's middle class is getting mugged, and that far from being ordained by the gods,globalization is globaloney! Hightower rips the mass off of the candidates, the parties, the consultants, and especially the moneyed powers whoa re supporting all of the leading presidential hopefuls. he's mad about them all--but what he's maddest about, what really gets his goat,is that they are all the same! To paraphrase Jim, American politicians are alike because they don't come cheap. In fact, they're all very expansive. which is why only the rich can own them and why their allegiance is definitely not to regular,worka-day citizens.No one is spared in this insightful and engaging blend of horror and success stories, hard-hitting commentary, laugh-out-loud humor, useful facts, and sparkling language. An equal opportunity muckraker and conscientious agitator for "We the people," Hightower inspires us to take charge again, to build a new politics, and, together, to build a better tomorrow. Jim Hightower's If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates proves yet again that his is a uniquely wise and peerlessly singular voice in the maelstrom of political prattle.

Return to the wizarding world and discover how director David Yates and producer David Heyman brought J.K. Rowling’s all new adventure, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them to the big screen.Inside the Magic: The Making of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them introduces filmmaking fans to Newt Scamander, Magizoologist, and the principal characters, locations, artefacts and beasts that he encounters in 1920s New York. Explore the filmmaking magic behind MACUSA, the secretive American counterpart of the Ministry of Magic; The Blind Pig where the wizarding underworld gathers; and the magical secrets of Newt’s case.Each section contains profiles of the key characters, with revealing insights from Eddie Redmayne, Colin Farrell, Katherine Waterston, Alison Sudol, Dan Fogler and many others, together with sections on set design, costumes, make-up, special effects, art department & props (especially wands!), which are illuminated by interviews with David Heyman, David Yates, Stuart Craig, Colleen Atwood and a magical army of other crew. Packed with exciting photos that reveal the filmmaking process in discerning detail, this is the definitive adult companion book to the film, and perfect introduction to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Anxious about the apostrophe? Confused by the comma? Stumped by the semicolon? Join Lynne Truss on a hilarious tour through the rules of punctuation that is sure to sort the dashes from the hyphens. We all had the basic rules of punctuation drilled into us at school, but punctuation pedants have good reason to suspect they never sank in. ‘Its Summer!’ screams a sign that sets our teeth on edge. ‘Pansy’s ready’, we learn to our considerable interest (‘Is she?’) as we browse among the bedding plants. It is not only the rules of punctuation that have come under attack but also a sense of why they matter. In this runaway bestseller, Lynne Truss takes the fight to emoticons and greengrocers’ apostrophes with a war cry of ‘Sticklers unite!’

This handy, practical and inspirational little book is perfect for the pocket or art bag. It shows watercolour painters of all levels how to loosen up their paintings and maintain spontaneity by painting simple watercolour studies in no more than 10 minutes.

Gain an insight into the English language via one of the UK’s richest dialects: Geordie. From George Stephenson to The Animals to Viz, the North East has long had a successful creative culture, developing alongside its industrial history. Newcastle in particular has successfully reinvented itself as a centre of the arts, while still maintaining its own regional identity. This book is the definitive guide to the most distinctive element of that identity: the Geordie dialect. This book is a must for anyone with even a passing interest in the language of the North East, and also provides a thorough examination of the general state of English, from the traditional wit and wisdom of the Geordie perspective.

What possesses a right-minded comedian to quit the day job for life as a breakfast radio DJ? The opening DJ on the Beeb’s new alternative radio channel, 6Music, Phill Jupitus was a maverick on the flat landscape of inane commercial breakfast radio. Disregarding the pre*ive chart-led schedule and showing no fear in the face of BBC management, this ex-performance poet’s personal crusade against the bland, the predictable and the smug self-satisfaction ensured that he never had any trouble practising what he preached. Not one to pull punches, Phill recounts with acerbic wit, honesty and more affection than he would care to admit, his encounters with petulant band members, tedious showbusiness jargon, colossal salaries and four-letter firewalls. Inviting world-weary media cynics and radio enthusiasts to sit back and revel in a heady dose of painful banter ensuing from the absent interview technique, The Clash, the perils of idols as on-air guests, Black Umfolosi and The Coasters, Nantwich remorselessly dissects the limply beating heart of breakfast radio and reconstructs it one playlist, anecdote and tran* at a time.

Do you remember tearing down the stairs at five in the morning, in wide-eyed anticipation of the mountain of wrapped boxes under a Woolies' fireproof silver tinsel tree? Do you remember the sense of disappointment when what you'd asked for wasn't among them? Or – worse – when you found a cheap, knock-off version of a toy you really wanted? Lavishly illustrated and with over 300 colour photographs, TV Cream Toys celebrates the presents that we hoped, wished and prayed would turn up in the Christmas stockings of yesteryear. From Big Trak to Buckaroo!, Mastermind to Merlin, Sorry! to Strawberry Shortcake, each peerless plaything from the '60s through to the '90s is examined and catalogued (in the Argos, rather than the scientific, sense). Culled from award-winning retro website TV Cream, this book lists a wealth of fondly remembered toys, games, and novelties, and unearths quite a few of the oft-forgotten classics that, even to this day, remain treasured in the hearts of our inner children. LET THE BLIZZARD OF MR MEN WRAPPING PAPER COMMENCE…

A hilarious compendium of weird, wonderful, warped classic and new games. Taken from the brilliant website http://strange-games.blogspot.com/, Montegue Blister's Strange Games is a pocket-sized compendium of the most hilarious, noisy, messy, and often vomit-inducing games ever written. Finally, the official rules for all the games you played at school as a kid, such as Finger Jousting, Peanuts, Slapsies and Thumb Wrestling. But that's not all! Montegue Blister's Strange Games includes dangerous variations on old classics such as Extreme Rock Paper Scissors, Bloody Knuckles, Shin Kicking and Toe Wrestling, plus a whole host of new, weird and wonderful games like Face Ball, Crazy Stair Climbing, Watermelon Skiing and Mosquito Squashing. Some games are violent, some are downright savage - and most involve a tiny bit of blood. But one thing's for sure - they're great fun! Montegue Blister's Strange Games is the perfect gift for Christmas and beyond. Chapters in Strange Games in include: Hand and feet games; Urban Games; Festivals; Party Games; Trick Games; Playground Games; Throwing & Propulsion; Sports; Stand off Games; Animal Games.

Bridesmaid dresses -- what are they good forWe've got to pay for them, wear them, and then find a spot for them in the back of the closet. Our best women friends, suddenly transformed into tasteful-white-dress-wearing brides, tell us, "You'll be able to wear this bridesmaid dress again." But we know better.101 Uses for a Bridesmaid Dress, tongue firmly in cheek, pokes fun at the hopelessly horrible dress that a bride asks her "court" to don. These whimsical illustrations and silly suggestions, from cocktail napkins and shower curtains, to pony blankets and frilly jock straps, are a hilarious antidote to the bridesmaid dresses we'll never wear again.

RA:The Book - The Recording Architecture Book of Studio Design was first published as a single, hardcover volume in 2011 and which has sold in over fifty countries to critical acclaim. A necessarily large format dictated by the detailed drawings it contained, RA:The Book was unavoidably heavy and costly to produce and ship. This iBook version is the first of three stand alone volumes which will hopefully make this essential guide to recording studio design more accessible. It includes a new introduction with previously unavailable photographs. The following de*ion is for the original hardcover: Established by Roger D'Arcy and Hugh Flynn on April 1st 1987 Recording Architecture has risen to become one of the premier recording studio design companies in the world. First Commissioned by ex Def Leppard guitarist Pete Willis for Blue Room studios In Sheffield swiftly followed by projects such as Hulgrave Hall, for composer Keith Hopwood the company has grown to design key installations around the world. Now for the first time they will be publishing a history of these ground breaking designs covering all aspects of architectural, acoustic and interior design of these studios and spaces specifically related to sound on a project by project basis. In a Career spanning Three decades Recording Architecture has virtually unrivalled experience in the design of studios which range in size and purpose from classical orchestral, residential, mixing, mastering, post production, film dubbing, video editing and rehearsal studios over 40 countries worldwide. Stating his desire to expand awareness with the new book Roger D Arcy states Over the years, and perhaps surprisingly, the only available books on recording studio design seem to have been written by individuals with little or no qualified background in Architecture or design in the field - we are trying show the detailed architectural/acoustic input behind a successful design with each studio study showing drawings in large format . This is not a theoretical guide but a detailed presentation of tried and tested techniques as applied to real, built projects in many of the case studies, the actual drawings issued for construction are reproduced. The examples illustrate not only what we think should be done but what was in fact physically (and successfully) implemented in a wide variety of situations from small, private project studios to large, commercial land mark studios such as Lansdowne and CTS. Examples range in scope from individual spaces and rooms to multi studio facilities and cover the two principal strands of recording and mixing: MUSIC studios recording (tracking), mixing and mastering (including cutting) project to orchestral in scale examples have been taken from the private, commercial and educational sectors. POST PRODUCTION studios voice over (dubbing), FX recording ( Foley ), film mix studios (dubbing theatres) from small voice over studios for TV to large Dolby Premier Certified film mix theatres. Contents include hundreds of photographs together with detailed plans and construction drawings - including comprehensive specifications of materials and techniques - showing exactly how these environments were created.

A REVISED AND UPDATED EBOOK EDITION WITH ALL NEW READERS’ DODOS! We’ve all heard of the list of endangered animals, but no one has ever pulled together a list of endangered inanimate objects. Until now, that is. Steve Stack has catalogued well over one hundred objects, traditions, cultural icons and, well, other stuff that is at risk of extinction. Some of them have vanished already. Cassette tapes, rotary dial phones, half-day closing, milk bottle deliveries, Concorde, handwritten letters, typewriters, countries that no longer exist, white dog poo… …all these and many more are big a fond farewell in this nostalgic, and sometimes irreverent, trip down memory lane.

A battle-cry for civilised behaviour from the author of the multi-million selling Eats, Shoots and Leaves. "Talk to the hand 'cause the face ain't listening," the saying goes. When did the world get to be so rude? When did society become so inconsiderate? It's a topic that has been simmering for years, and Lynne Truss says that it has now reached boiling point. Taking on the boorish behaviour that has become a point of pride for some, Talk to the Hand is a rallying cry for courtesy. Like Eats, Shoots and Leaves, Talk to the Hand is a spirited conversation, not a stuffy guidebook. It is not about forks, for a start. Why hasn't your nephew ever thanked you for that perfect Christmas present? What makes your builder think he can treat you like dirt in your own home? When you phone a utility with a complaint (and have negotiated the switchboard), why can't you ever speak to a person who is authorised to apologise? What accounts for the appalling treatment you receive in shops? Most important, what will it take to roll back a culture that applauds rudeness and finds it so amusing? For anyone who's fed up with the brutality inflicted by modern manners (and is naturally too scared to confront the actual yobs), Talk to the Hand is a colourful call to arms from the wittiest defender of the civilised world.

A beautiful and practical up-to-date guide to over two thousand of Britain’s best parish churches. Although now most famous for his poetry, Sir John Betjeman’s great passion was churches. For over fifty years his guide, regularly updated, has been the eminent authority and the most distinguished guide to the best churches to visit. This edition, in full colour throughout and illustrated with over 350 specially commissioned photographs, covers over 2,500 of the very best churches in England, Scotland and Wales. Fully updated by bestselling author Richard Surman, this is the most complete and up to date guide to Britain’s church heritage.

‘I loved Jon’s book. It’s even better than the real thing because you can’t hear his voice.’ Michael McIntyre A control freak looks for love (women who leave wet teaspoons in sugar bowls need not apply). ‘I haven’t woken up with a cup of tea by the bed for seven years. It seems such a small thing but it’s one of a thousand things I miss about having someone around to take care of me. I have spent my entire adult life getting things the way I want them and all I want now is someone to give it all up for.’ Is your filing faultless? Your CDs, apostrophes, cutlery all in the right places? Can you eat a biscuit in the correct way? Then Jon Richardson (single for seven years and counting) could be your ideal man… Living alone in a one bedroom flat in Swindon, Jon has had far too much time on his hands to think. In fact to obsess. About almost everything. Jon’s obssessive compulsive personality disorder has seen him arrange the coins in his pockets in ascending size and colour code his bookshelves. It takes him less than 90 seconds to locate a receipt for a pair of shoes he bought in 1997. Over to the filing cabinet and R for receipts, S for shoes. But Jon doesn’t want to be like this, in fact he would quite like to share his life with someone. But who could that someone be? Someone like himself, a quarrelsome perfectionist only with breasts and less body hair? Absolutely not. But who exactly is Jon looking for and where will he find her? Faced with a loveless future filled with his own peculiar quirks and perfectionism, Jon sets about his search for The One. The question is, will he mind her keeping the knives to the left of the forks in the cutlery drawer or organising the CDs by genre and not alphabetically?

A practical, affordable and accessible home photography tutor. This inspiring project-based course book covers everything from basic composition to the latest digital darkroom techniques. Learn at your own pace as this practical, comprehensive course helps you develop your key photographic techniques. Contents include: step-by-step projects on exposure, aperture, lenses, light, filters, colour, black and white and image enhancement; plus professional secrets and stunning shots from around the world. The fully interactive and project-based approach of Collins Complete Photography Course will help you to raise both your camera confidence and your level of photography.

The Organic Garden redefines what it means to be an organic gardener. This practical and thought-provoking handbook is both a manual of organic practice and a starting point for ethical living. The meaning of 'organic' is changing fast, becoming more and more an umbrella term for all things environmental: from ethical consumerism, waste recycling and self-sufficiency to new trends in wildlife-friendly, sustainable and forest gardening. The Organic Garden shows how these popular new areas of green living are relevant to the ordinary gardener and demonstrates simple, achievable ways in which you can use these ideas to transform your garden. Includes: ? Essentials of organic practice ? Gardening for wildlife and ornament ? Gardening for food ? Ethical choices at the garden centre ? Shed’s Dead – how to create an ecological shed and explore alternatives for outdoor living ? Gardening beyond the garden – allotments, conservation volunteering, community gardening ? Climate change and today’s gardener

An excellent, nostalgic gift from a bygone era when hard times were no excuse for shabby dressing. Contains practical tips to repair and improve clothes to save money. Travel back to the forties when a war-torn Europe was still no excuse to dress shabbily and the one thing you didn't ration was fashion. In this exclusive reproduction of a genuine archive copy, retro domestic goddess Joanna Chase prescribes ways to avoid fashion fauz pax in money-tight scenarios - whether the cause is a lack of coupons - or a credit crunch. In this book you will learn: o How to make the most out of every last inch of fabric o How to transform old skirts into brand spanking new outfits o How to make clothes out of old furnishings o How to turn your old dresses into ones that fit for your children o How to plan a whole families wardrobe in demand With this book, repackaged in a charming, nostalgic cover, as much a fashion accessory as a practical advice guide, you will learn all this and much much more. Uniform with this guide: Food Facts for the Kitchen Front o Make your Garden Feed You o The archive collection- because good advice never goes out of date.

The Book that will forever define the essentially comic state of being, acting, looking, and sounding like a Dad. You think you know your Dad? You think he gets up to go to work every morning, does his job, eats his lunch, has an afternoon snack or three, then comes home and eats dinner in front of the TV? On the weekend, maybe he mows the lawn or fixes that broken shelf, or has a few jars down the pub with the lads? You think that’s what Dads do, don’t you? You think that’s all there is? Oh, how little you know. A hymn to all things paternal, ‘The Book of Dad’ will change the way you think about your Dad, my Dad, his Dad, their Dad, Everybody’s Dad. Including such marvellous chapters as Know Your Dad, The World According to Dad, Dads Through The Ages (from Caveman Dad up to Victorian Dad), How To Be A Dad, and The Dad-to-Be, ‘The Book of Dad’ is a highly illustrated, high-quality, highly anticipated romp through the pantheon of Dadness…and beyond…but not too far.

At last! A comprehensive, handy guide for the misery-guts in your life. Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Grumpy Old Men is an annotated, cross-referenced and fully illustrated manual for malcontents everywhere: the comprehensive Gripes of Wrath. A compilation of gripes and grumbles, illustrated with blood-boiling images such as derailed trains and traffic wardens throughout. The next time you find yourself enraged by pointless speed bumps, overcrowded trains, ill-mannered drivers, irritating adverts, inefficient customer help-lines, overbooked airlines, inconsiderate cyclists, slow-moving caravans, extortionate bank charges, persistent charity collectors, mindless hotel muzak, unfunny clowns or just plain miserable British weather, let this book take the strain. The ultimate in stress-relief for the 21st-Century Grouch.