万本电子书0元读

万本电子书0元读

Power Moves
Power Moves
Welzein, Karl
¥90.90
Meet Karl Welzein, aka Captain Karl, aka @DadBoner on Twitter—the Midwest's most beautiful loser Karl Welzein is really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys. His job is a drag and his wife kicked him out, but that's okay. She wears granny panties and is constantly dropping wads of cash at Target, and his son cries all the time. Now his "temporary" roommate, Dave, ate all the Totino's pizza rolls. Again. Karl Welzein is sick of this. So sick of this. Power Moves chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his journey from life as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed party maniac who spits out his life philosophies like a modern-day Charles Bukowski (if he preferred to get drunk at Applebee's). A middle-aged Michigan native, Karl may be overweight, prone to questionable fashion and culinary choices, oblivious to his drinking problem, a poor excuse for an employee, obsessed with the restroom, and a terrible husband, father, and friend . . . but in his heart he means well. He's just like a lot of us—he loves the USA, Guy Fieri, bold flavors, Bob Seger, and thinking he looks jacked in a tight tee and Maui Jim sunglasses. Karl is an everyman and like no other man on the planet all at once. Inspired by the Twitter feed @DadBoner, Karl finally tells his full story. He shares his wisdom on fitness (1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like Stone Cold. 3. Cut off your sleeves), diet (Eat only the filling of the Taco Bell Beefy Melts for maximum flavor and low-carb health), fashion (Wearin' boots with jean shorts says "I like to keep cool, but I'm ready if the action gets hot"), work life (If you don't have a job that makes you want to kill yourself, you don't deserve to drink until you want to die), and the bliss of the perfect weekend (beers, brats, and babes' chest beefers). But above all, this is a story about America—the real red, white, and blue America of today. Welcome to Karl's world. Reading this book is the ultimate Power Move.
Fail Nation
Fail Nation
Failblog.org Community
¥73.03
From the underbelly of the nuts behind hit websites failblog.org and icanhascheezburger.com comes FAIL Nation, your silent guide and handler to the not-even-close-to-perfect nation of FAIL, chock-full of irrelevant tips and useless suggestions about why to shop, who to eat, and when to see. So fasten your exit and check for the nearest seatbelt your FAIL plane departs now.
If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates
If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates
Hightower, Jim
¥78.60
If anything, in this presidential election special, he's madder than ever!In his earlier bestseller, There's Nothing in the Middle of the Road but Yellow Stripes and Dead Armadillos, Hightower only began to tap into the deep yearning that Americans have for a new politics that speaks to them from a real-world, kitchen-table perspective. Now, with the year 2000 being an especially significant marker for contemplating our country's direction, not only for the new year but for the new century and the new millennium, it's time for citizens to reclaim their political, economic, and cultural heritage.Leading the way with his hilariously irreverent yet profoundly serious book is our name-naming, podium-pounding, point-them-in-the-right-direction populist, Hightower himself. He whacks conventional wisdom right upside the head,showing,with startling facts and compelling personal stories, that despite a so-called period of prosperity, America's middle class is getting mugged, and that far from being ordained by the gods,globalization is globaloney! Hightower rips the mass off of the candidates, the parties, the consultants, and especially the moneyed powers whoa re supporting all of the leading presidential hopefuls. he's mad about them all--but what he's maddest about, what really gets his goat,is that they are all the same! To paraphrase Jim, American politicians are alike because they don't come cheap. In fact, they're all very expansive. which is why only the rich can own them and why their allegiance is definitely not to regular,worka-day citizens.No one is spared in this insightful and engaging blend of horror and success stories, hard-hitting commentary, laugh-out-loud humor, useful facts, and sparkling language. An equal opportunity muckraker and conscientious agitator for "We the people," Hightower inspires us to take charge again, to build a new politics, and, together, to build a better tomorrow. Jim Hightower's If the Gods Had Meant Us to Vote They Would Have Given Us Candidates proves yet again that his is a uniquely wise and peerlessly singular voice in the maelstrom of political prattle.
Cubicle Warfare
Cubicle Warfare
Austin, John
¥90.77
Get revenge on all your annoying coworkers with this guide to 101 awesome office pranks Are your eyes beginning to glaze over from the fluorescent lights in your tiny cubicleHave you had one too many burnt cups of coffeeDoes the guy in the cube next to you insist on pencil-drumming while cranking "Hells Bells" and five-finger discounting your paper clipsIf your answer to any of these questions is yes, then you're in need of some Cubicle Warfare.With Cubicle Warfare, you'll never be bored at the office again. Make your coworkers jump, squeal, and run for cover with hilarious pranks such as the Paper Clip Chain, Bottomless Box, and the Sticky Note Office, as well as the more advanced Freezer Bomb, Chair Chaos, and Textless Keyboard. Even if you're not a prankster yourself, you can still use this riotous guide to recognize the warning signs and defend your desk from conniving coworkers. Bad days at the office will be a thing of the past.
Cyanide and Happiness
Cyanide and Happiness
Wilson, Kris
¥88.56
Introducing the first real, tangible, ignitable collection of the hit online comic Cyanide Happiness, featuring a selection of your favorite comics and thirty brand-new strips.From the minds of Kris, Rob, Matt, and Dave comes a barrage of irreverent entertainment sure to keep you amused until the day you die. Just see what their mothers have to say!"Dave is a nice, young man with a bright future ahead of him. I always knew he was a gifted boy who would go on to do great things. I hope he settles down with a nice, young woman and ****s the **** out of her." Dave's mom"I don't know how to get computer pictures, so I'm glad Kris finally has a book out. I haven't read it yet, but I hope he gives me a quote on the back." Kris's mom"I hope Robert's book does well so he can finally afford to move out. He plays his hip-hop music too loud." Rob's mom Matt's mom was unavailable for a quote due to being dead.
Waiting
Waiting
Ginsberg, Debra
¥83.03
A veteran waitress dishes up a spicy and robust account of life as it really exists behind kitchen doors.Part memoir, part social commentary, part guide to how to behave when dining out, Debra Ginsberg's book takes readers on her twentyyear journey as a waitress at a soap-operatic Italian restaurant, an exclusive five-star dining club, the dingiest of diners, and more. While chronicling her evolution as a writer, Ginsberg takes a behind-the-scenes look at restaurant life-revealing that yes, when pushed, a server will spit in food, and, no, that's not really decaf you're getting-and how most people in this business are in a constant state of waiting to do something else.
The Works of John Leguizamo
The Works of John Leguizamo
Leguizamo, John
¥94.10
John Leguizamo's smash–hit one–man shows have been acclaimed by critics and fans alike. In this new Harper Paperback edition, all four shows are compiled into one phenomenally entertaining volume. Mambo Mouth (1991), Leguizamo's first show, was an off Broadway sensation. Leguizamo's portrayal of seven different Latino characters earned him both Obie and Outer Critics Circle awards. His follow up, Spic–O–Rama (1993), a "dysfunctional family comedy," presents 24–hours in the life of one family. It enjoyed a sold–out run in Chicago before relocating to New York where it won its creator a Drama Desk Award. Freak (1998), Leguizamo's Broadway debut, is his own coming–of–age story. A "demi–semi–quasi–pseudo–autobiography," the show was a critical and commercial success and won an Emmy when it was shown on TV. Sexaholix: A Love Story (2001), based on the sold–out national tour of John Leguizamo Live! was nominated for an Outer Critics Circle Award as well as a Tony Award. Alternately hilarious and poignant, always candid and searingly intelligent, The Works of John Leguizamo is a must–have for fans of this inimitable performer.
Dump 'Em
Dump 'Em
Speyer, Jodyne L.
¥90.77
Everybody has that special someone in their life that they can't wait to get rid of. Whether it's a housekeeper, a therapist, or a personal trainer, the time comes when you have to pull the plug on the relationship.Featuring personal stories, useful *s, and interviews with experts such as Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser, funnyman Adam Carolla, and Michael Jackson's attorney, Thomas Mesereau, Dump 'Em is a practical guide for giving any bad relationship the boot. Jodyne L. Speyer provides a roadmap to finding your own way of saying "thanks, but no thanks." Written with honesty, empathy, and ruthless wit, Dump 'Em will teach you to conquer your fear of confrontation and master the art of the peaceful and permanent breakup. So what are you waiting forDump 'em!
Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said
Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said
Caddy, Dan
¥110.71
Welcome to basic training, soldier.Now meet your worst nightmare . . . your drill sergeant.Even if you've never served in the military, you know the drill sergeant. The mere sight of his fatigues and the iconic "Round Brown" campaign hat strikes fear into the bravest of hearts. Drill sergeants inflict pain, demand discipline, and aren't afraid of power, aggression, and using fear as a motivational tool. But unless you've witnessed one firsthand with your face in the mud doing pushups, you might not know one other fact . . . drill sergeants are some of the FUNNIEST people on the planet!After his deployment in Afghanistan, Dan Caddy began swapping great drill sergeant stories by e-mail and social media with other veterans. Now, in Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said, Caddy shares the best-of-the-best quotes, one-liners, stories, and top-ten lists proving once and for all that drill sergeants are the world's most underrated comedians and philosophers. If you have ever suffered a hard-ass manager (in uniform or not), these often profane, sometimes profound, yet always entertaining rants from real life soldiers will add a much-needed dose of humor to your day. Now stop laughing and drop and give me fifty.
Mental Floss presents In the Beginning
Mental Floss presents In the Beginning
Editors of Mental Floss
¥95.39
Sure, you know all about the birds and bees. But did Dad ever tell you that it wasn't a stork that put that shiny can opener in your kitchen drawerOr paperclips started out as proud, Nazi-fighting warriorsAnd did he tell you how cruise control was originally conceived by a blind geniusFrom mullets to Silly Putty, lie detectors to karaoke, we've got the true stories behind everything you didn't think had stories. Because if you're looking for answers, In the Beginning is the place to start.
Get Rich Cheating
Get Rich Cheating
Kreisler, Jeff
¥88.56
In these difficult times, there's only one proven path to ridiculous amounts of money: Cheating. Everyone's doing it from sleazy CEOs to 'roided-up home run kings, silicone-enhanced starlets, and backroom-dealing congressmen so why not youGet Rich Cheating is your definitive guide to the illegal, immoral, and fun, detailing the schemes that have proven time and time again to generate more cash than God, Google, and the Treasury combined. No one ever bought a fleet of Bentleys with hard work, perseverance, and honesty. Simply by purchasing this book, you've already done more than most "ethical" people dare. Open it, savor the moment, and inhale deeply in the musk of your impending wealth it's time to Get Rich Cheating.
Portraits of Conflict
Portraits of Conflict
Ben H. Severance
¥484.91
Portraits of Conflict: A Photographic History of Alabama in the Civil War is the tenth volume in this acclaimed series showing the human side of the country's great national conflict. Over 230 photographs of soldiers and civilians from Alabama, many never seen before, are accompanied by their personal stories and woven into the larger narrative of the war both on the battlefield and the home front. Alabama is unusual among the Rebel states in that, while its people saw little fighting inside its boundaries, nearly one hundred thousand Alabamians served with Confederate units throughout the South. This volume chronicles their experiences in almost every battle east of the Mississippi River--especially at Sharpsburg, Chancellorsville, and Gettysburg under the legendary Robert E. Lee; at Murfreesboro and Chickamauga as part of the ill-fated Army of Tennessee; and at the famous siege of Vicksburg. Ultimately Union soldiers did invade the state, and Alabamians defended their homeland against enemy cavalry raiders at Selma and against Federal warships in the fight for Mobile Bay. The volume also includes accounts of some of Alabama's leading politicians as well as several of its more ordinary citizens. This new volume contains the same quality of photography and storytelling that has attracted Civil War enthusiasts since the first volume was published in 1987, making it another welcome addition to the series Civil War History called "e;a sensibly priced, beautifully produced photographic history."e;
Just Below the Line
Just Below the Line
KORYDON H.SMITH,JENNIFER WEBB,BRENT T.WILLIAMS
¥372.78
With America on the brink of the largest number of older adults and persons with disabilities in the country's history, the deceleration in housing production during the first decade of the twenty-first century, and a continued reliance on conventional housing policies and practices, a perfect storm has emerged in the housing industry. The lack of fit between the existing housing stock and the needs of the U.S. population is growing pronounced. Just as housing needed to be retooled at the end of WWII, the American housing industry is in dire need of change today. The South-with its high rates of poverty, older residents, residents with disabilities, extensive rural areas, and out-of-date housing policies and practices-serves as a "canary in the coal mine" for the impending, nationwide housing crisis. Just Below the Line discusses how reworking the policies and practices of the housing industry in the South can serve as a model for the rest of the nation in meeting the physical and social needs of persons with disabilities and aging boomers. Policy makers, designers, builders, realtors, advocates, and housing consumers will be able to use this book to promote the production of equitable housing nationwide.Published in collaboration with the Fay Jones School of Architecture.
Portraits of Conflict
Portraits of Conflict
William Garrett Piston,Thomas P. Sweeney
¥484.91
A deeply divided border state, heir to the "Bleeding Kansas" era, Missouri became the third most fought-over state in the war, following Virginia and Tennessee. Rich in resources and manpower, critical politically to both the Union and the Confederacy, it was the scene of conventional battles, river warfare, and cavalry raids. It saw the first combat by organized units of Native Americans and African Americans. It was also marked by guerrilla warfare of unparalleled viciousness. This volume, the ninth in the series, includes hundreds of photographs, many of them never before published. The authors provide text and commentary, organizing the photographs into chapters covering the origins of the war, its conventional and guerrilla phases, the war on the rivers, medicine (Sweeny's medical knowledge adds a great deal to this chapter and expands our knowledge of its practice in the west), the experiences of Missourians who served out of state, and the process of reunion in the postwar years.
My Dead Dad Was in ZZ Top
My Dead Dad Was in ZZ Top
Glaser, Jon
¥83.03
An irreverent and ridiculous collection of "found" documents that will change everything you thought you knew about rock and roll, by the creator and star of Adult Swim's DelocatedJon Glaser delves into the unknown and highly secretive histories of dozens of rock and roll's greatest bands with sometimes spectacular, sometimes heartbreaking, always completely made-up results. In this book, you'll discover the following: Handwritten letters by Glaser's own father, which reveal him to be an early member of the band we now know as ZZ Top Old lyrics journals of, among others, Bob Dylan and David Bowie, featuring a collection of songs they probably hoped would never see the light of day A letter from Ringo to the rest of the Beatles, the week after their breakup, informing them of his plans to start a Beatles tribute band Formerly classified government documents with shocking revelations about the Navy SEALs and the Butthole Surfers Prince's set list for the bat mitzvah of Steven Spielberg's daughter Rachel, including the songs "Purple Oy Vey," "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Rabbi," and "When Doves Kvetch" My Dead Dad Was in ZZ Top is for everyone who loves absurd, made-up stories about their favorite bands. It's also for everyone who doesn't love absurd, made-up stories about their favorite real bands they just might not enjoy it as much.
I Shudder
I Shudder
Rudnick, Paul
¥83.03
A hilariously funny, touching, and revelatory book from one of America's preeminent humorists In his plays, his screenplays, and his writing for the New Yorker and Premiere, Paul Rudnick has established himself as a comic master whose talents transcend genre. Now, in I Shudder, he trains his wickedly perceptive eye on everything from his New Jersey family to Hollywood to demented alcoholic Broadway stars waving swords. At his Uncle Rudy's funeral, Rudnick's beloved Aunt Lil put one hand on her husband's coffin and her other hand on Rudnick's shoulder and said, "Your Uncle Rudy always loved you. He never understood why, in your writing, you had to use that kind of language, but he loved you."Charming and touching, I Shudder is rendered in Rudnick's gorgeous, zinger-laden prose and reminds us of the need to keep our tongues sharp in the midst of life's many obstacles and absurdities. Here is one of the most accomplished collections in years, from a writer who ranks with David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs as one of our most gifted and hilarious social observers.
Chocolate, Please
Chocolate, Please
Lampanelli, Lisa
¥84.28
An inside look at the life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, as she dishes on everything from relationships, food, and fat to why once you go black, you never go back In her jaw-droppingly hilarious and politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all including the dysfunctional childhood that made her the insult comic she is today, the subject for which she's best known (black men, black men, and more black men), and her hilarious struggles with her addiction to food and hot guys. By telling her story in her very real, very candid, very open way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to be yourself, even if it's just one rehab stint at a time. Lisa also takes readers behind the scenes at the roasts that have marked her comedy career and launched her into the comedy elite, and reveals the important "firsts" in her career, including her first time on her hero's program, The Howard Stern Show.Chocolate, Please is a side-splittingly funny portrait of the woman behind the award-winning insult comedy.
Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation
Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation
Beckwith, Elizabeth
¥83.03
Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation is not one of those traditional, all-too-earnest parenting guides that, for generations, have sucked all the fun out of child rearing. The foundation of Elizabeth Beckwith's Guilt and Manipulation family philosophy is simple: We do things a certain way, and everyone else is an a**hole. Is that something you should put on a bumper sticker and slap on your minivanOf course not that would be trashy. But in the privacy of your own home, you can employ these essential components of Guilt and Manipulation to mold the little runts ruthlessly yet effectively into children you won't be embarrassed to admit are yours: Creating a Team: "Us" vs. "Them" How to Scare the Crap Out of Your Child (in a Positive Way) Don't Be Afraid to Raise a Nerd Mind Control: Why It's a Good Thing
Mental Floss: What's the Difference?
Mental Floss: What's the Difference?
Editors of Mental Floss
¥72.70
Enlighten Up Already!MonetManetWho can even tell the differenceWell, with the help of the newest mental_floss tome, you can! Want to learn how to tell egg rolls from spring rolls, nuclear bombs from dirty nuclear bombs, or even how to tell an idiot from a moron (there's a real scientific difference)Piece of cake! Whether you're trying to impress your boss, your mother-in-law, attractive singles, or a pack of fourth graders (you know how they love semantics), mental_floss gives you all the tips and tricks to have you sounding like a genius.
The Official Guide to Christmas in the South
The Official Guide to Christmas in the South
Barnette, David C.
¥94.10
No place celebrates Christmas like Dixie, and with this charming, humorous guide, anyone can learn how to deck the halls, Southern styleIt's the one time of the year when both the divine and debutantes take center stage in a perfect storm of hot glue and cheese grits: Christmas. But successfully navigating through the holiday season can be more complex than Santa's midnight journey. There are pitfalls hotter than any chimney -- and social situations more slippery than any roof! But now The Official Guide to Christmas in the South has arrived to reveal the finer and sometimes unspoken details of Dixie etiquette.Perfect for a true Southerner's coffee table or an imposter's survival guide, The Official Guide to Christmas in the South is the gift that will keep on regifting season after season.
Scuse Me While I Whip This Out
Scuse Me While I Whip This Out
Friedman, Kinky
¥90.77
Kinky Friedman is back, and with 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out he gets it on with all manner of egos. In this collection of twisted takes on life, the Kinkster gives us funny, irreverent, and insightful looks at outsized personalities from people he's known, like Bill Clinton, George W., Willie Nelson, and Bob Dylan -- not to mention Joseph Heller and Don Imus -- to people he's known in spirit, such as Moses, Jesus, Jack Ruby, and Hank Williams. With his meditations on subjects ranging from sleeping at the White House, marriage, his pets, fishing in Borneo, country music, and cigars to the tribulations of possessing talent, Kinky doesn't deny us the "flashes of brilliance and laugh-out-loud observations" (Rocky Mountain News) that are present in all his other work. Hilarious, irreverent, and passionately twisted, 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out reads as if it were written by a slightly ill modern-day Mark Twain.