How Not to Act Old
How to be cool when you're afraid you've forgotten how . . . Sure, you can try to stay younger by exercising, coloring your hair, and wearing stylish clothes but how do you respond when someone asks, "Do you Twitter?" How Not to Act Old gives you simple ways to come back from over the hill and to act as young as you look.Covering everything from old-people entertainment (cancel that dinner party!) to old-people communication (it's called a "voice mail," not a "message," and no one leaves or listens to them anyway), Pamela Redmond Satran decodes the behaviors, viewpoints, and cultural touchstones that separate you from the hip young person you wish you still were. This irreverent guide is essential for anyone who doesn't want to embarrass their kids or themselves.
Get Rich Cheating
In these difficult times, there's only one proven path to ridiculous amounts of money: Cheating. Everyone's doing it from sleazy CEOs to 'roided-up home run kings, silicone-enhanced starlets, and backroom-dealing congressmen so why not youGet Rich Cheating is your definitive guide to the illegal, immoral, and fun, detailing the schemes that have proven time and time again to generate more cash than God, Google, and the Treasury combined. No one ever bought a fleet of Bentleys with hard work, perseverance, and honesty. Simply by purchasing this book, you've already done more than most "ethical" people dare. Open it, savor the moment, and inhale deeply in the musk of your impending wealth it's time to Get Rich Cheating.
NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette
Animated eBookLiving in New York City for five years as a transplant from Ohio, illustrator and T-shirt designer Nathan Pyle was fascinated by the unique habits and unspoken customs New Yorkers follow to make life bearable in a city with 8 million people (and seemingly twice the number of tourists). Nathan decided to draw his favorite tips and etiquette lessons and post them on the internet, where his 12 original panels went viral immediately and became the basis for this hilarious illustrated book (check out the fully animated ebook, too!).In NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette, Pyle reveals the secrets and unwritten rules for living in and visiting New York including the answers to such burning questions as, which cabs should I try to hailWhat is a bodegaWhich way is UptownWhy are there so many doors in the sidewalkHow do I walk on an escalatorDo we need to be touching right nowWhere should I inhale or exhale while passing sidewalk garbageHow long should I honk my hornIf New York were a game show, how would I winWhat happens when I stand in the bike laneWho should get the empty subway seatsHow do I stay safe during a trash tornadoEach tip is a little story illustrated in simple black and white drawings.Visitors and newcomers to New York will love it because the advice is smart, funny, and not condescending. New Yorkers will love it for its strategic and humorous approach to mastering the daily chaos of the city.
A Field Guide to Evangelicals and Their Habitat
They're Going to Heaven . . . and They Know ItAt last, a complete, unsparing guide to evangelical Christians. This hilarious and highly useful manual, written by an insider, illuminates this rapidly growing and unique segment of America and offers a thoroughly entertaining, no-holds-barred, laugh-out-loud survey of evangelical culture. See inside for the scoop on: What Evangelicals Believe -- Plus a Master List of Who Is Going to Hell How to Party Like an Evangelical -- Ambrosia, Li'l Smokies, and Potluck Fever The Diversity of Evangelical Politics -- From Right-Wing to Wacko Evangelical Mating Habits -- The Shocking Truth
NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette
Living in New York City for five years as a transplant from Ohio, illustrator and T-shirt designer Nathan Pyle was fascinated by the unique habits and unspoken customs New Yorkers follow to make life bearable in a city with 8 million people (and seemingly twice the number of tourists). Nathan decided to draw his favorite tips and etiquette lessons and post them on the internet, where his 12 original panels went viral immediately and became the basis for this hilarious illustrated book (check out the fully animated ebook, too!).In NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette, Pyle reveals the secrets and unwritten rules for living in and visiting New York including the answers to such burning questions as, which cabs should I try to hailWhat is a bodegaWhich way is UptownWhy are there so many doors in the sidewalkHow do I walk on an escalatorDo we need to be touching right nowWhere should I inhale or exhale while passing sidewalk garbageHow long should I honk my hornIf New York were a game show, how would I winWhat happens when I stand in the bike laneWho should get the empty subway seatsHow do I stay safe during a trash tornadoEach tip is a little story illustrated in simple black and white drawings.Visitors and newcomers to New York will love it because the advice is smart, funny, and not condescending. New Yorkers will love it for its strategic and humorous approach to mastering the daily chaos of the city.
Enough About You
The Complete Narcissist's GuideMimi E. Gotist delivers a gift for our times: practical, simple guidance to help you cope with the self-loving people in your life-while nurturing your own inner narcissist.At once utterly self-absorbed, and charmingly aware of it, Gotist offers advice on: Dating: You're not looking for the person you want to marry -- you're looking for the person you want to change Career: Don't work -- work it Spirituality: Me Here Now Personal Growth: You can't help anyone who won't help you
For the uninitiated, the quincea era celebrates the passage of a fifteen-year-old girl into adulthood: It's a bit bat mitzvah with a dash of debutante ball, and loaded with the same potential for hilarity and adolescent angst. In this original anthology, fifteen of the brightest and funniest Latino writers, men and women alike, share their own memories of these moving and often absurd extravaganzas tales of that unique form of familial humiliation that is borne of the best intentions, fierce love, and the infectious joy of parents finally allowing their little girl to grow up.
How to Be Black
If You Don't Buy This Book, You're a Racist.Have you ever been called "too black" or "not black enough"Have you ever befriended or worked with a black personIf you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is for you.Raised by a pro-black, Pan-Afrikan single mother during the crack years of 1980s Washington, DC, and educated at Sidwell Friends School and Harvard University, Baratunde Thurston has over thirty years' experience being black. Now, through stories of his politically inspired Nigerian name, the heroics of his hippie mother, the murder of his drug-abusing father, and other revelatory black details, he shares with readers of all colors his wisdom and expertise in how to be black.Beyond memoir, this guidebook offers practical advice on everything from "How to Be The Black Friend" to "How to Be The (Next) Black President" to "How to Celebrate Black History Month."To provide additional perspective, Baratunde assembled an award-winning Black Panel three black women, three black men, and one white man (Christian Lander of Stuff White People Like) and asked them such revealing questions as:"When Did You First Realize You Were Black?""How Black Are You?""Can You Swim?"The result is a humorous, intelligent, and audacious guide that challenges and satirizes the so-called experts, purists, and racists who purport to speak for all black people. With honest storytelling and biting wit, Baratunde plots a path not just to blackness, but one open to anyone interested in simply "how to be."
Little Pink Raincoat
A little Coco Chanel, a lot Carrie Bradshaw, with a dash of Maureen Dowd a hip, hilarious collection of mini-profiles in shopping and romantic courage. From one very fabulous and elusive little pink raincoat (to woo the commitment phobe) to a pair of very persuasive peach panties (gift from a dazzling doc), author Gigi Anders relates her experiences as they deal with her dual obsessions of clothing and men. Here are ten vignettes chronicling ten choice sartorial items and the corresponding boyfriends that would undoubtedly love her stylishly ever after...even if they didn't.Featuring items and boyfriends from Anders's real life, real (extremely jammed) closet, and real bed, Little Pink Raincoat is a very tasty, very funny, universal, uplifting, pop cultural meditation on the things we crave and the lengths we'll go to get them.
Why Girls Can't Throw
Warning: the truth can be shocking, seductive, offensive, outrageous...even disgusting!Are you perplexed by the mysteries of the universe, confounded by the workings of the human body, prone to pondering the great imponderablesAt long last, the answers are here for every inquiring mind that's not afraid to face up to the cold, hard facts of life. The author who brought you That Book . . . of Perfectly Useless Information now addresses the quirky, the eclectic, and the essential conundrums of our age in Why Girls Can't Throw . . . and Other Questions You Always Wanted Answered, including: What's the kindest way to tell a friend he has halitosisIs it cheaper to send yourself as a package to Australia rather than fly on an airplaneAre there any benefits to smokingIs it true that Keith Richards used to regularly replace all the blood in his body?
The Dictionary of Love
In its more than three hundred pages, The Dictionary of Love gets to the heart of the matter: To rusticate is to get out of town with one's lover.A ballabust is a controlling wife or girlfriend.Bob Hope had the longest Hollywood marriage.Kinkalicious is your girlfriend in a teddy.Tahiti is an island where lovers do the 'upa'upa. From "afterglow" to "zipper," "Ikea" to "Twister," The Dictionary of Love is chockablock with everything you ever wanted to know about love but couldn't find in your Funk Wagnalls. The book draws from all areas of life: love songs, poems, history, law books, sex manuals, medical and psychology texts, folklore, modern science, cookbooks, classical literature, Internet dating sites, TV shows, and today's slang. What famous people best define loveAccording to The Dictionary of Love, they include Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Bill Clinton, Casanova, Lana Turner, Nefertiti, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Don Quixote, Ben & Jerry even Flipper and Lassie!Included, too, are charts, graphs, and illustrations, plus a G-spot directional map for women to give their boyfriend or lover. An indispensable tool for anyone who is composing a love sonnet, breaking up over e-mail, writing a romance novel, planning a romantic getaway, or just looking for something juicy to whisper in their lover's ear, The Dictionary of Love is a first-of-its-kind compendium of all things amorous.
Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation
Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation is not one of those traditional, all-too-earnest parenting guides that, for generations, have sucked all the fun out of child rearing. The foundation of Elizabeth Beckwith's Guilt and Manipulation family philosophy is simple: We do things a certain way, and everyone else is an a**hole. Is that something you should put on a bumper sticker and slap on your minivanOf course not that would be trashy. But in the privacy of your own home, you can employ these essential components of Guilt and Manipulation to mold the little runts ruthlessly yet effectively into children you won't be embarrassed to admit are yours: Creating a Team: "Us" vs. "Them" How to Scare the Crap Out of Your Child (in a Positive Way) Don't Be Afraid to Raise a Nerd Mind Control: Why It's a Good Thing
The Worst Noel
Does the thought of mistletoe give you hivesDoes the sound of jingling bellsinstill fear in your heartDo you hide under the covers from the day after Thanksgiving till New Year's DayAnd even if you love Christmas, do thehyperconsumerism, overindulgence, andtinsel-covered everything make you crazy?If you said yes to any of these questions, this is the book for you. You are not alone. Everyone has a Christmas-nightmare story to tell. Some of the best writers around have gone through some of the worst Christmases ever. Their tales of holly-draped horror are gathered here for your amusement, from NEAL POLLACK's Christmas-ham disaster to the accidental Santahood of JONI RODGERS to BINNIE KIRSHENBAUM's receiving what may be the worst gift ever given. And Stanley Bing gives us a peek at the lonely guy's Xmas feast. All this, plus many more recollections of Worst Noels past.So pour yourself a glass of eggnog, chisel off a piece of rock-hard fruitcake, and curl up in the big comfy chair by the fireplace where the stockings have been hung with such care -- and settle in to read The Worst Noel.
The Best Thing About My Ass Is That It's Behind Me
Follow one woman's bumpy, cellulite-riddled ride through size-0 Hollywood and learn how she went from body-dysmorphic to sassy-asstastic in only twenty-five short years of dieting, thousands of dollars in "procedures,". . . and one pair of industrial-strength Spanx.From the best girlfriend you didn't know you had comes this "I Can't Believe She Said That" guide to life in the real world. Actress and comic Lisa Ann Walter dishes about parenthood and the dangers of girl-on-girl snarking, explains why skinny actresses act crazy, and gives riotous advice on everything from the dating mistakes we all make to ten things you should subtract when you weigh yourself (self-tanner and dental work, for starters . . .).So what do you get when you drop a longtime self-loather into the glitz and glamour of HollywoodThis hysterical, and brutally honest, look at the impossible standard of perfection for which so many of us strive. Walter boldly shares her lifelong struggle with low self-esteem which, in her case, includes plenty of painful auditions, failed relationships, and awkward celebrity encounters, plus lots of impossible diets, questionable injectables, and dubious cosmetic procedures. Along the way, the "celebrity adjacent" Walter also tells her sometimes warm, often cringeworthy, and always funny Hollywood stories (including the reason she'd kill for Richard Gere). She also shares her sage advice by offering features such as ways to improve your self-esteem that won't cost you a dime:Four words:Push-up. Bra. Construction. Site. You don't even have to look good to get a response. Just wear sunglasses, square your shoulders, and toss your hair. Then count the whistles.Start frequenting your local gay bar. Both gays and lesbians are much more effusive about how fabulous you are! And you'll get free drinks! Always be seen with decrepit old men you'll look young and beautiful in comparison. Think how well this works for those Girls Next Door.
Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth
Short of spending every waking hour engaged in antiaging treatments, is there anything the average woman can do to shave even a few months from her appearanceDo any of the miracle creams, procedures, or magic potions actually make a person look more youthfulDoes a woman have to worry about her nasolabial folds if she doesn't even know where they're located on her bodyVeteran journalist Beth Teitell aims to find the answers to these questions and many more in her hilarious travels looking for the elusive elixir of youth. If you feel bad about your neck (or any other body part), if the idea of Botox-filled syringes fills you with horror, if you don't want to empty your wallet to pay for $475 serums that promise to cheer up aging skin or the hourly cost of a facial-fitness coach, or if you don't believe the claims of antiaging gummy bears or age-defying bottled water, then Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth is the book for you. There's not a woman in America who won't see herself in Teitell's struggles or come away feeling that the enormous amount of energy, time, and money we spend trying to restore our bodies to the way they were when we were twenty could be better spent elsewhere. With honesty, outrage, and wit, Teitell goes deep into the youth-at-any-cost culture and takes it apart from the inside out. And then she reassures us that there is hope there are things we can do to look and feel younger, and ways we can learn to stop worrying about looking older.Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth is for every woman who isn't as young as she used to be a book of wisdom and advice, and a laugh-out-loud look at our age-obsessed culture.
How Paul Robeson Saved My Life and Other Stories
Carl Reiner has been making people laugh since the days of The Dick Van Dyke Show. His showbiz bits with Mel Brooks about the 2000 Year Old Man have become the stuff of comedy legend. Jerry Seinfeld, Alan Alda, Neil Simon, Steve Allen, and Richard Lewis were all bowled over by the comic genius of The 2000 Year Old Man in the Year 2000: The Book. Now, in his wonderful new book, Carl Reiner shows off the talent and humor that have made him a comedic superstar.Filled with rich, multidimensional tales, this collection of short stories from one of America's truly great comedic minds is at once poignant, nostalgic, and laugh-out-loud funny. "How Paul Robeson Saved My Life." the story of Reiner's experiences in the army during World War II, is a darkly funny look at racism. "Lance and Gwendolyn" is a modern-day fairy tale with some surprising twists. "Dial 411 for Legal Smut" is a tongue-in-cheek look at phone sex. Whatever topic he tackles, Reiner always manages to capture the highs and lows, the follies and foibles of everyday life.
My Drunk Kitchen
One day, sad cubicle dweller and otherwise bored New York transplant Hannah Hart decided, as a joke, to make a fake cooking show for her friend back in California. She turned on the camera, pulled out some bread and cheese, and then, as one does, started drinking. (Doesn't everyone cook with a spoon in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other?) The video went viral and an online sensation was born. My Drunk Kitchen includes recipes, stories, full color photos, and drawings to inspire your own culinary adventures in tipsy cooking. It is also a showcase for Hannah Hart's great comedic voice. Hannah offers key drink recommendations, cooking tips (like, remember to turn the oven off when you go to bed) and shares never-before-seen recipes such as: ?The Hartwich (Knowledge is ingenuity! Learn from the past!) ?Can Bake (Inventing things is hard! You don't have to start from scratch!) ?Latke Shotkas (Plan ahead to avoid a night of dread!) ?Tiny Sandwiches (Size doesn't matter! Aim to satisfy.) ?Saltine Nachos (It's not about resources! It's about being resourceful.) This is a book for anyone who believes they have what it takes to make a soufflé for the holiday party and show up the person who apparently has nothing better to do than bake things from scratch. It also recommends the drink you'll need to accompany any endeavor of this magnitude. In the end, My Drunk Kitchen may not be your go-to guide for your next dinner party . . . but it will make you laugh and drink . . . I mean think . . . about life.
101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat
The modern woman has enough hassles without having to put up with the antics of the man in her life. Why endure another day of snoring, football, and wet towels on the floorWith this hilarious, fully illustrated guide, learn 101 reasons why you should dump your chump and hook up with a cat! So, besides the fact that your man's just not that into you, can he scratch his ear with his footIs he adorable when he pounces off the fridge onto your shoulderDo you get to watch him nudge another man aside and eat his foodAnd can you improve his mood by tossing a fuzzy mousie for him to chaseOf course not. There; that's four reasons to dump him and get a cat instead! Plus, you never have to remember how your cat takes his coffee. You don't need to pretend to your cat that you haven't had many other cats. And if your cat thinks your friends are hot, so whatFor every woman who's had enough of men, 101 Reasons to Dump Your Man and Get a Cat is the perfect gift—chock-full of humor, inspiration, and great advice. Why look for love in all the wrong places when it's right across the room chasing its own tail?
Red, White & Liberal
As one of the foremost liberal voices in television and radio today, Alan Colmes has long been braving the wilds of controversial issues and conservative slander. The host of the talk-radio show Fox News Live with Alan Colmes and cohost of Fox News Channel's hit debate show Hannity Colmes, Colmes now offers this witty, passionate wake-up call to America.Colmes takes on the fundamental question: How can we protect our nation without diminishing our liberties, and regain our place in the world as an example of democracyColmes urges Americans to see past the government's manipulation of the War on Terror to silence critics; the lies we've been force-fed about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan; and the conservative smear campaign that has turned "liberal" into a four-letter word. From debunking the myth of the liberal media to exposing conservative hypocrisy, Colmes presents the issues with thoughtful, provocative arguments, hard facts and logic, and searing humor.Certain to spark debate and cause readers to reevaluate and reaffirm their beliefs, Red, White Liberal powerfully argues that despite our differences, we must extend our hands across party lines to find solutions, protect our shores, and preserve our freedoms.
Daddy, Stop Talking!
Last Will & Testament of Adam CarollaI, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article II appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article IITo my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids.Article IIII devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."
Art of the Film: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Step inside the world of the talented art departments who, led by Academy Award?-winning production designer Stuart Craig, were responsible for the creation of the unforgettable characters, locations and beasts from the eagerly anticipated new adventure in J.K. Rowling’s Wizarding World.The Art of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, edited by Dermot Power, concept artist on the film, takes you on a magical journey through a design process every bit as wonderful as that encountered by Newt Scamander in the wizarding world: from the earliest gatherings of the artists, designers and filmmakers to the magical time of the film’s production itself at Leavesden Studios.Bursting with hundreds of production paintings, concept sketches, storyboards, blueprints and matte paintings, and filled with unique insights about the filmmaking journey from Stuart Craig and the artists themselves, this superb book – officially licensed by Warner Bros. Consumer Products – presents a visual feast for readers, and will welcome fans of Harry Potter films into the world of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.